I'm still kicking

Sorry I haven't been blogging on here. I actually started my own blog. I have been getting my 30 minutes in each day. I just finished doing ripped in 30 and I would say I lost about 10 pounds. I don't know for sure because I'm not weighing myself for a whole year! Starting tomorrow I get Shredded for 30. I'm so excited. Well I just thought I'd update you guys. I'm so excited to see you soon! Love you.

Tomorrow is the last day of Level 3

I'm so excited I have one day of level 3 left. 5 days at level for and then bye bye July. Then I'm getting shreded in August. Yay for fitness!

10 Days down 10 to go!

I've reached the halfway mark! I'm doing Jillian Micheals Ripped in 30 5 days a week this month. Then next month it's 30 day Shred for 6 days a week! I'm so excited!

Week Two Day Three

Yay I got my workout in bright and early this morning. I'm already starting to notice some changes... like I can actually do a push up :) I can't wait to see how strong I am at the end of the month.

Much TOO HOTTTTTT

I'm not doing my workout this morning because it is much too hot. Yesterday it got up to 97 degrees IN THE HOUSE! This morning its already 82. I am not a fan of summer. I am ready for fall.

Week Two Day Two

I'm having a great morning. I got my workout in. Ate a delicious nutritious breakfast. Took a shower and got dressed. Now I'm chilling here on sparkpeople. I hope you all have a fantastic day as well :)

Completed my workout this morning. level two is definitely harder than week one. I would say my heart pound harder last week but this week was all crazy plank moves and lots more weight work. I just can't wait to see where I'm at at the end of the week. Have a fantastic Sunday!

Week One Done

I have the best husband in the world. When it came time to Jillian this morning I was just not feeling it. But he encouraged me and now I'm sitting here in liquid awesome. lol. Week one complete!

A New Year

I've officially been in Montana for a year! It's been a great year, meeting a marrying my husband. Experiencing something new. And Montana is truly one of the most beautiful places. When I first moved here I was super eager to lose weight. I was living with my extremely health conscious sister and I was determined that she could change me. And I did lose some weight by simply eating her more natural meals. Then I started a job at a campus dining hall. Which means all the free food I could eat. I gained weight. It may not have been the jobs fault but I had very little self control. I no longer work there and I honestly think that helps. I am still striving to achieve my goals even though I'm currently at my heaviest weight. But Now is the time for change. I've been watching my calories and working out with Jillian Micheals. So I'm excited to see the change. Not only physically but mentally and emotionally :)

Fierce Queens of the Road

I just completed the book "Wild".  Cheryl Strayed hikes the Pacific Coast Trail solo. She trying to coming to terms with regrets and sorrows that she had in her life.  Somehow in the journey she found it within herself....well, in my words- to stop regretting the past or fretting the future.  She is learning to 'just be' by living in the moment step by step.   I related to her so much.   One thing she stated is that she felt fierce after conquering her quest.  I felt in inspired by her and thought if she can do such on foot, then I can do it on my motorcycle.  Mile by mile leaving regrets and frets behind.
Yesterday, I felt a bit discouraged and overwhelmed.  I hated ending the month with this feeling.  I was concerned about my apartment renting ( I need my deposit back).  I really want to sell my bed and make some money off that. And I felt uncertain about taking this road trip solo.
This morning when I flipped to my vision page I saw the center focus is "The Fierce List".
And the headline is "Queens of the Road".  I thought with dissapointment,"Well, it should say Queen of the Road because I"m going it solo". But I got an email followed by a phone call.  I put it out there on Sturgis.com that I was going solo and when I was leaving.  A woman, Amanda, contacted me and said "We need to talk!"  Turns out we are  an answer to each other's prayer!  We are going the same way at the same time.  She is coming from NYC to California.  Amanda is also from Michigan!
What a MAGNIFICENT OUTCOME. Amanda has already done the research and has paved the way for me to know what do to prepare for this trip.
And a girl stopped to see my apartment and she wants it and she wants the bed! MAGNIFICENT!
How exciting! What an awesome start to a new month.  Here's to July!

Ride with no regrets

It's never too late to be what you might have been.  I'm not sure what I might 'have been' or what I am suppose to be.  I know that I focus on my bedroom  wall that states "Life is not about finding yourself.  It's about creating yourself."  and I ask  "God what are you and I going to create today? "

My intention, as I stated at the introduction of this Power of Three blog,  is to be the best I can be (or at least better than I have ever been) spiritually, emotional, physically, mentally, emotionally by the time I turn 50.
I have this stirring in me that I should be bold and ride my bike out to Montana.  This morning I sense that there is a reason that I haven't been hired for a new job in Montana just yet.  Perhaps I need to make a soul journey on my bike as I sojourn to the West.
I have been pondering the idea.... the pros and cons.....the precautions...and went to bed praying what would be the right thing for me.  I  woke with this in my heart; to do it and write as I go.
I'm reading the book "Wild" by Cheryl Strayer.  She legally renamed herself Strayer because when she got a divorce she could change her name. She had strayed from her husband so she went with Strayer.  Strayer travels with a big backpack across the Pacific Coast Trail. A woman alone on a path to find herself as she walks  away from past hurts.  The subtitle is From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail.  I don't feel lost.  I'm right here, in Pennsylvania.  Determining to not regret the past and not fret the future. Finding is to dig, to search... to find what you once had but don't know where it is placed now.  That's not what I feel the need to do or be.  I feel the need to create myself.  Who I want to be for this chapter in my life when  I turn 50.  Perhaps with 2100 plus miles to  ride with wind in my hair, I will create her.
As I write this, the course in Gavin Degraw's song, "I don't wanna be" came to me.

I don't want to be
Anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me



As I ponder riding my bike out west  and I run the idea past people.  I've got a few "go for it" and I've gotten "You're crazy!".  Yesterday I stumbled... haha "stumbled"- isn't it interesting how we stumble across things when we need to find something that we weren't looking for at the moment?   I stumbled across a website  Purposefairy.com .   There is a research article that states most elderly people don't regret things that they did.  They regret what they didn't do.  They regret that they didn't have the courage to do a certain thing. Riding this bike out there will take courage...boldness...'balls'.  When I learned to ride, my teacher, Greg said to me, "The only thing is takes to ride a motorcycle is balls.  And you have them."
Hummm... maybe I don't even need to create.. Not struggle with it anyway. Just be.  Just be who I been trying to be lately.  Which is a peace-filled, loving, finding gratitude-in-everything kind of person. 
Just think of me and have peace of mind.  Just think of me riding my bike to a new direction in my life.
Lynne gave me a plaque:  Change of any sort takes courage.  This is change.  Riding there is the epidomy of doing it courageously.
   Here is to  creating the next chapter.  Here is to jumping on my bike and boldly going where I have never gone before.  Here is to a life without regrets.
Last time I traveled to Montana and I was in the Denver airport killing time....  I don't like the sounds of that "killing time".  That phrase needs to go away.  Anyway, I was in the airport making use of my waiting time....doing it an a manner that a female does best- shopping.  I came across a certain brand of  necklace with a pendant that had a thoughtful comment on it.  I loved every one of those necklaces and I wanted to buy them all. Of course, in counting the cost I couldn't splurge like that. So I took a moment and ask, "Which one speaks to me the most?" and when I put a certain pendant in my hand, instantly my eyes started to tear up and my heart felt overwhelmed with its message.  Wow...I really responded to this pendant.
  The pendant says, "Live life with no regrets."
Live to ride.  Ride to Live.
 I will ride with no regret!
Selah.

June 5 Recap

Yay Its a brand new day. The sun is shining. and so am I, lol.
I just got home from the gym. I did an hour long power pump class. Crazy intense. My muscles are gonna be HUGE.

I tracked all of my food. And drank plenty of water. All around. today was a good day :)

June 4 Recap.

Today was a great day. I stayed on track. I snacked a little bit but didn't feel guilty about any of it. I'm not sure I can ever just eat 3 meals. For my workout i went to the gym and did the most intense step class I've ever attended. How are you girls doing?


 Breakfast-


2 eggs
mushrooms
onions
garlic
spinach
cherry tomatoes
Italian seasoning
Braggs


Lunch-

 2 slices of bread
Natural Chocolate Peanut Butter
Honey
Apple





Dinner-

Beanless Chili-
corn
celery
potatos
beef
tomatos
flaky bisquits


Snacks-
10 circus peanuts
pb, raisins, apple
1 serving pb puffins.

Say Goodbye to this girl

Yay! Its a brand new day and I'll be leaving for the gym in about 20 minutes!! I'm so excited to see all the promises my skinny life will hold.

say bye bye to this girl....

Weight War Revolution

Hi my name is Shanna. I am 24. I weight 357. And I'm starting fresh. Everything is fresh and new. I've decided whether it takes 1 year, 2 years, 10 years, or more. I WILL REACH MY GOAL! I have a gym membership and starting tomorrow morning at 830am I will be going every Monday-Friday until further notice. I am going to schedule all of my workouts and I will stick to it. I will track my calorie intake on sparkpeople.com Well that's all I really have to say for tonight but I will check back tomorrow with my gym success check-in.

 oh ps. water. lots and lots of water!!!

                                                       The last BEFORE picture...EVER!

Happy June First!!!

I dont have much to say at this particular moment. I'm about to eat lunch. But I just wanted to hollar and say I'm still with you guys. -Shanna

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

May 2012. Fullness of Joy. The deepest of Grief. Witnessing a daughter get married is truly one of the proudest moments for a mother. It is part of the full circle of life. Having lost my father, being "Daddy's Baby Girl", is truly one of the saddest moments of life. It is part of the full circle of life. My vision page for May was about being Cheerful. Smiling at myself in the mirror. Giving smiles as a gift to the world. A quote on my page, " Cheerfulness keeps up a kind of daylight in the mind, and fills it with a steady and perpetual serenity." Ahhh... these pages were so prophetic. It certainly was a month that needed serenity. I spent much time chewing on a book entitled "Happiness Now!" It published by Hay House. I bought the book a couple years ago, but it wasn't in a place to appreciate it and I shelfed it. Some highlights that I gathered from the book this month: -You cannot be happy and guilty. Stop feeling guilty. Practice Acceptance. God does not condemn us, because he does not judge us. He just loves us. You either love or judge. I learned from Deepok Chopra to make my mantra this; "I practice non-judgment." That allows me room in my mind and heart to 'dismiss judgement and invite love' ( a little mantra that I came up with this month). I stop judging myself (my weight, etc). I love myself unconditionally. I stop judging others and their intentions and invite love into the situtation. The author of Happiness Now!, Robert Holden, created a course called The Happiness Project. His quote, "Whenever you are not wholly joyous, it is because you have reacted with a lack of love to one of God's creations." (Often for my that applies to a reaction to myself!) Fear preys. Love prays. There is so much to share from this book- for my own reminders and I shall do just that with more blogging. I think of my favorite scripture. 2 Corinthians 7:4 Paul says, " I am greatly encouraged! In all my troubles my joy knows no bounds." Paul reminds me that my joy is not based on the weight on the scales, or the money in my bank account, or the pile of bills, or how someone interacts with me, or the weather, or if something breaks down." Nope, no matter what- my joy is limitless. Happiness is always inside me to withdraw on. It is not from some outside source or condition. So my lovely daughters. We begin another beautiful month with the Power of Three. I am so grateful to have you join me. It gives me such joy! I look forward to being reunited with you this month. But whether together physically or just in hearts- The Power of Three continues on....It is part of the circle of life. PS- I have to give credit to my six 6 year old Great nephew, Andy. When I got in the car at the airport, the day my Dad died. I expressed my sorrow and Andy's little soft voice came from the backseat with a sigh, "It's part of the cirlce of life." Ahh, the wisdom in a child. Shanna's wedding jewerly- the cirlce in the tierra, earrings, necklace, sachet and her ring- a reminder that life continues on with Magnificent Outcomes even beyond the things we intentionally design. God's design for us is truly a circle of love and joy. This is where I pray we continue to spin. Selah.

Where my girls at

YO yo, I know my phone might not always be working but on the sidelines I still be a working towards our goals that we set as power of 3 I dont have much to say but I will let you know That I love my family deeply Aight have a good night sleepy.

Post Party Melancholy

The Power of Three was beautifully reunited this past week and now we are out on our own again, sowing seeds for the future harvest. I have this empty feeling, a slight sadness, missing my sister and my mother already. I'm so grateful for my wonderful little baby boy. I can never really feel alone because I have the most precious being always around me. But I still miss my girls. I am looking forward to the magnificent outcomes that await us being reunited in Montana. I have visions of a beautiful community, lots of land, and plants, and animals and people, and music and crafts and love and laughter and music and dancing. I long for that utopian society where sharing and love flourish. As humans I don't think we were ever really intended to spend so much time alone and inside. But I cherish the time we spend together and I also embrace the moments of solitude, quiet, and even boredom. I'm grateful for my family and the power of three. I'm grateful for change.

RIP Julius Martin

Today was the passing of a wonderful soul-from Earth into "the other dimension, heaven, the other side, etc." He was a man with a large family full of a lot of love. We all learned a lot from his time here with us, and we wouldn't be here if it weren't for him....at least as the people we are today, in these bodies that we are in. Thanks Julius for being here, sharing these times with us. We pray that your crossing was peaceful and without fear. May the warm, loving white light engulf and protect you and guide your way on. We love you Grandpa and we will miss you....until we meet again :) Thank you for being a model example of marriage and loving your family, and sticking things out through thick and thin. Almost 66 years with Grandma. What a special gift. Not many people can brag about being married that long. Congratulations Mrs. Moe! I'm so happy that Grandpa got to be there for you, at your impromptu wedding, allowing his blessing to show upon upon you. It was all so magical. The setting sun, the family and spirit of the whole event, the originality, and pumping rock wedding music from Aunt Judy's ride! That was awesome. Probably the best wedding I've attended. Thanks for letting me be apart of that great experience. I'm so happy for you Sis, and I pray that the hands of the Divine are upon you and bless your marriage for all the days to come, til death due you part. You were a beautiful princess bride! Now let's see what magnificent outcomes we can create in this new season of life. Spring is here, the plants, and animals, and Earth, are awakening and giving life. It's a joy and wonder to experience. I love it here in Montana. How blessed I am to live in this gorgeous place. The protecting mountains and the big sky, and enchanting sunsets. Well actually the enchanting sunsets are really in Arizona and New Mexico.But they aren't too shabby here either. Today we did see a rainbow. I said a prayer and a wish. Blessed Be. Power of 3. Shall not cease. But multiply and continue to be. For the highest and utmost cause of the Divine. May our footsteps be guided and are ego left beside us, may we love one another, and live in community and harmony, thanks for your undying love and protection. Amen.

Chaos

Gabrielle Roth's 5 Rhythms have been calling to me since I first danced them. Chaos may be the one that I struggle with the most in my life, and perhaps that is because our society thrives on chaos. We are continuously bomabarded with chaos.It seems that our minds are always buzzing around, overloaded with stimuli and information. I love how she says that we need our feet to ground us, otherwise we get too carried away in our heads and the chaos. Our feet will ground us and return us to our roots. And so we dance. I came across a wonderful quote from George Bernard Shaw. The same guy he is accreddited with "Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself. His other quote that I love is "If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." Healing and reconnecting through movement. What a concept. Rather than sitting and dwelling on our problems, issues, frustrations, anger, grief, sadness, why not get those bad boys on the dance floor and shake things up? Another quote from Einstein "A problem cannot be solved in the same state of consciousness in which it was created." So how much sense does it make to sit in our same frame of mind and try to solve problems. Maybe sometimes we need to get out on the dance floor, or our living room floor, and dance and sweat and allow ourselves to enter a different state of awareness. In letting our mind be still, and by allowing our bodies to do the movement, we can enter another awareness, and free ourselves. I am dedicated many of my 30 minutes a day to dancing, because it is so enjoyable, and freeing and powerful and healing. "Don't let no one steal those dancin shoes....cuz those shoes will take away those blues!" Song by Katch A Fire. Love you girls! Power of 3~

Magnificent Outcomes

Today is my 28th day of practicing the book "Magic"...which aka is gratitude. For 28 days I started my day with reading a chapter that addressed something that I could focus my attention on-- atention with gratitude. Each morning I made a list of 10 blessings in my life. And I prayed a "thank you, thank you, thank you" over them. Then I left the house on a gratitude hunt. I searched for things to be grateful for. At times, I would sent some magic dust someone's way.... meaning I sent out gratitude for them. Perhaps it was a stranger that passed me on the street and smiled at me or it was some one who let me cut into the traffic. 28 days of writing...I wrote the 'Count My Blessing' assignement on big index cards and taped the to my wall in my bedroom around the words "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." Through gratitude I am creating. I love reading the red and praying for the power of Jesus' words. Jesus said in Mark 4 24-25. "With the measure you use it, it will be measured to you-and even more. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what hie has will be taken from him." So what is the 'it' Jesus is referring to. It is in the context of the Parable of the Sower. What you sow- spread around- is what will grow more of. What you don't spread around and pocket away will be taken. What is it.... gratitude, love, money, - anything we have that if we give it 'plant it' it has the ability to grow and multiply. I tell myself:"If I don't have it- get it!" "If I've got it, give it!" If I don't have love - get it. If I have love , give it. If I don't have gratitude, get it! If I have it- give it! If I don't have gratitude- get it! If I have gratitude- give it! I have to say, I feel good about myself having dedicated- faithfullly- consecutively 28 days is a row. Sticking with something this kind of dedicated has been far and few between in my life. But my eyes have been opened. I realized how ungrateful I am for soooo many little things in my life. How much there is to be grateful for. Girls, I have so much more to say, but I have to get on my grateful way right now. Know that I am sooooooo grateful for both of you....and you don't even know it! Much Love, Mom

Girly Glam Time.

Yay new clothes shopping! I just got back from walmart where I got quite the haul. I channeled joelle and got two long skirts! Which I love. I can not wait to leave for Michigan tomorrow. Well I don't have much else to say just wanted to check in. Love you guys.

New Carpet :)

Oh I love fresh starts. Today we got new carpet put in and I just love how simple things like that can make you feel like a new creation. Last night we didn't eat the casserole because the house was in complete disarray having everything put in the kitchen for this morning. So that's what we're having for dinner tonight. I am so excited to go to Michigan and see everybody. But more excited for everybody to meet the love of my life. lol. I'm going to get an excellent workout in today. Because once the carpet layers leave I'm going to be putting everything back in order. And re-organizing. Sometimes I think I must be crazy because I love organization so much. I have been thinking a real kick ass job could be a personal organizer. You know instead of a cleaning company, rich people would hire me to clean out the nooks and crannies of their cluttered homes. Any who. Hope you're both having fantastic spring days!

Autumn Sausage Casserole

It may be spring but for dinner I'm making Autumn Sausage Casserole in my favorite kitchen appliance... a crock pot LOVE<3 Brandon bought me this crock pot cook book. Its written by a woman that used her crock pot every single day for a year (and BLOGgedabout it! lol). It's got some great stuff. Some things I've already made... Cowboy stew, Chicken pot pie (B made this one, it was amazing), Buffalo chicken lasagna, BBQ Chicken and cornbread. YUM. Some meals coming up on the menu... Baked spinach and cheese noodles, cheeseburger soup, Shepherds pie, and Quinoa casserole. (my pics wont upload :( Hopefully coming soon)

Fresh Start

Alright it's a new month and we're up and going. We have a beautiful new blog design (if i do say so myself). Joelle's back safely. And in no time at all we will be together in person! yay. So my vision page for May is all about "Experiencing new things. Being spontaneous. Wonder. What did you do today??" So this month I dedicate myself to try at least one new thing a day. Whether its an exercise, recipe, clothing style, make-up color, anything and everything. If it's new and fresh to me that's all that matters. So I'm going to go and live my life and see what comes up. Love YOU!

April Showers of Love, Peace, Joy

Ahhh one third of the way through the year already! April was a great month of detoxing emotionally and physically. I credit that to meditation. April 19th was my ten anniversary of bariatric surgery, so it was an exciting milestone. I have lost 30 pounds since we last saw each other in January. I'm feeling very good about myself and about life. My vision page for April consisted of "Get Social" because the most happy people have vibrant social lives. I made an effort to get out and mingle, of course that comes rather easy for me. But I am really aiming to mingle with people out of the norm of who I would usually mingle with. I'm making an effort to appreciate other people, with other likes, values and interests. Perhaps by mixing things up, I will become more creative because I have opened my mind a bit more. I have flowers on my vision page- that is a reminder to blossom. It is spring time after all. It's time to bloom. Another quote on my vision page "There is a time to let things happen, and a time to make things happen." I realize April was the month to make things happen. For one, with my Bozeman job search- time to make it happen. I have a great resume put together and have started sending it out. I feel pretty confident about it. Another practice that I have begun is Gratitude in every little thing...every day. I have been doing the excersices in the book 'Magic" by Rhonda Byrne. I have learned the way to manifest good in my life to be appreciative of what I have- and then more will come. Another quote on my page is "I'm more comfortable in my skin now that I've ever been." I have to say I do feel very good about my body because I have learned to be thankful for every little marvelous thing about it. Whether I like the look of a body part or not. I appreciate that my body is here for me. It helps me to get things done. It helps me to do the things I love to do, such as dancing and motorcycle riding. My body is very good to me. I shall be good back to it, by showing gratitude and not taking my body for granted. I have been practicing my mantra- " I consume only food and beverages that contribute to my health and well-being." More and more I am moving in that healthy direction. Which is taking me from "Fat to Fab" as quoted on my page. "This year I am reinventing myself". Invent per dictionary.com means: -to originate or create as a product of one's own ingenuity, experimentation, or contrivance. -to produce or create with the imagination: create and invention seem to have the same meaning. Invention seems to imply more experimentation with it. Life is an experiment- of good tries and some times bad choices- but it's all part of the learning curve. I used this month to ponder my mistakes and find some sort of blessing even my mistakes. -If one let's oneself count blessings in mistakes- they are there. It helped mt to lift the burden of guilt and shame. Which I needed detoxed from and feel I have made progress there. After all, quoted on my page is "LET GO OF THE PAST." Wow, these vision pages where so intuitive,so prophetic. THE ART OF INDEPENDENCE. Simply stated, I have learned that I'm okay being alone. As Kelly Clarkston sings, "Doesn't mean I'm lonely cause I'm alone." I've come along way of learning the art of indepedence- much further than I expected I could go. REPUNCTUATE YOUR LIFE is another quote that I have had great fun with. I write and play with punctuation. It helps me to view words- and things differently. I have a butterfly on my vision page. This month I feel I have went through a metamorphisis. I"m ready to fly. Something in the word 'transformer' keeps resognating in me. I looked that up today and it also means to metamorph. transform: to change in form, appearance, or structure; metamorphose. But even more so, in electrical terms -which get way over my head- a transformer deals with changing negative and positive charges. I have worked on being positive and changing negative thoughts into positive. It helps me to see myself grounded (electricty needs to be grounded to be useful- I think since I hear that term- "grounding" with electrical terms) Anyway, I see myself grounded into the earth. My feet growing down like roots into the earth and wrapping around all the important energy of gems and stones that will enhance my life. I see myself as 'the middle man' (like a transformer box that you see on electric poles) that is tranforming power between the heavens and earth. I see the strength of the earth pulling up through me, channeling through me up to the sky. Thus I have admiration for the sun, moon and stars. The light in those celestial planets shine down through me channeling back into the earth. Back and forth is goes- through me like a transformer.....transforming me. Kinda deep stuff, but there some sort of mediative power in it that is doing me some good.. A lot of good changes, transformation this month. Last but not least a quote on my April page "I'm not done yet." Selah.

heres to being alive.

okay so its only been two and a half months since I posted. lol. I really have been feeling like i need to be doing this for you guys because i promised. even when I don't feel like it. Its for the power of three. Yesterday I did some yoga. and today some Jillian. I've been feeling like a bump on a log lately. my clothes are all tight. Its hard to put on my shoes. everything is hard, who am i kidding. so more so then wanting to look sexy in a wedding dress. i just want to feel okay. yeah I'm outta words. now its just time for some action. Love you. Lets keep this up!!!

Not April Foolin'

Happy 1st day of April....another new beginning. Another fresh start! Gotta love it.
In March I was diligent to focus on my vision page. The main point was "Now with intensity" to lose weight. I exercised diligently. Spent alot of time in mediatation. Often counted my calories. My goal was to make a serious effort to lose weight as much weight as possible. I hardly drank alcohol. I often went out dancing and only drank water. This was an exciting month because for two years I have not been able to get the scales below 204. I started the month at 207 and the drop happened! By middle of March I was 194! I was sooo thrilled. Then scales started to creep back up to 198 though I was still making an effort. Hum...and ouch... I stepped on the scales this morning....204.4. What?! What the @#$%##@#$@%. I feel discouragement trying to overtake me. But I am telling myself that the scales really can't measure my success. It is only weighing the weight of my body not of my soul. My clothes have become baggy. People are complimenting me... "How are you losing weight?" "Are you on crack?" I feel great! I can't let some outward measure determine my joy, my strength, my determination. It is rather silly, I have made so much good progress in March, yet today I feel so sad just because of what the scale says. It's an aweful April fool's joke. Some how I feel like a failure. That I let myself down. Yet, I did do so much right. I was faithful to dedicate an half hour to The Power of Three everyday. Except for one day. Two nights ago I was going to go out dancing, and I went to Sands casino...and feel asleep in the parking lot. I was just too tired to drag myself inside to dance. Generally I am so high energy, but I just needed to go home and sleep.
Okay, so what.....I'm going to keep pressing on. A set back is just a set up to spring forward me into sucess.
At the end of February I kept saying and trying to believe " I have more than enough. I have more than enough to meet my needs." Well, God spoke to my heart. How can you believe that you have more than enough when you dont even believe that you have enough?" Ohhh, so God and I decided to do a little simple object lesson in showing me that not only do I have enough.. I have more than enough. Let's start with my food supply. I almost entirely stayed out of the grocery store for a month. I did buy some fresh fruit and sparlking water couple times (cause yeah- I stopped drinking diet soda). I went through the whole month without buying groceries and my cupboards and freezer are still full as if I never even went through a whole month of eating. I have to say, I am surprised at how much I have. Indeed, I have more than enough. Good object lesson for me. I'm going to continue on in April without buying much groceries. Maybe just yogurt and fresh produce. I want to start emptying out what I have in preparation to move.
I don't know how I will move, I only know that I want to and with God there is a way, because I have More Than Enough money, resources, help, etc. I got all I need!
I have been working on my resume and looking for jobs in Bozeman.
It's been a good month for me...just as the words in my journal page say "Live Powerful. Spectacular. It's not fitness-it's life. Capture the moment. Live in the moment. Make the most of the moment." I have a saying, "I am not regretting the past. I am not fretting the future." It gets me through and reminds me to enjoy this moment. Yes, March was a good month. The scales are NOT going to get me regretting or fretting. Time to turn the page into April....it's all about going from Fat to FAB! My focus words are "Repunctuate Your Life." Yeah. I'm not using periods. NO I'm NOT 204.(PERIOD) no... I like....moving on.... dot dot dots.....203...202...201...200....199....So let's move on....no stop signs, speed limits, no halting punctuations....April here we come..........So Let's dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March Forth!

It's March 4th! This date always makes me think of March Forth! I want to March Forth spirtually so I spend the day mediatating, reading,exercising, and fasting. I discovered PalTalk and spent time in a spirtual chatroom. We discussed my spirtual journey and that I read the red and pray for the power. Jesus is a role model of being an awakened soul and I want to follow in his footsteps. With that said, I don't believe Christainity is the only way to be enlightened. It's one way. I have issues with how Christians can be very judgmental about others. So now I'm judging Christians for judging. I had a good day. All is well with my soul.
I pray it is with you two as well. Whatever path you are taking may it lead to complete joy and peace.
Much Love!

Another New Beginning Month 3

February has come and went....even blessed with an extra day. Leap Day. This past month I focused on Imagine. Imagine change. One statement on my page- "My focus this year is to achieve optimum healt,h deepen my spirtual connection, and have some fun."
I imagined being physically, emotionally and spirtually closer to my family. I felt like I was struggling with imagining. I got a book at the library called, "The Spark". It is Cirque Du Soleil and what goes on behind the scenes. Cirque Du Soleil is an awesome desplay of imagination collectively brought together in a show. I pray that we will stay the Power of Three and bring together great things by the power of our collective imaginations.
I'm continuing to work on my imagination in mediaation and to believe in my ability to manifest. I feel believing in my ability to manifest has been a weakness.
I went to a Sacred healing class and had reiki proformed by a healing master. The experience was very good. I shared with her my need for emotional and spirtual healing. Everytime I think of you girls and Jude I bust into tears....on the drop of a dime....anywhere...in public places. It's such an overwhelming longing to be with you. Pam, the reiki instructor shared that as long as Im making the longing so overwhelmingly strong then I keep stopping the universe from working in the area. I really felt good positive energy throughout me when I had the session done. Pam asked if I exercise, she was sensing something. I said I dance alot. And though I didn't mention it, perhaps its the half hour of power dedicated to the power of three vibrating through me when I exercise.
Joelle, she asked it I kept stones by my bed. I told her about the selenium that you gave me. She said that was good for me. I keep it on my alter during the day and go to bed with it at night. She said that I should get a rose quartz, I immediately pulled out the stone that James gave me. She told me 'get a bigger one'. I'm looking for a large shpere to keep on my alter. Pam assured me that my chakras are all open that I have positive energy grounding me....I just need to believe in my ability to manifest.
So that is what I leave February with and take to MARCH forward....believing in my ability to manifest what I want.
Also, the leader of the Sacred Healing class is Dominique. He asked if anyone would join him in a medidatating diet. I voluntered. For this month I will be VERY mindful of my consumption and meditate often about eating and send good vibes into my food.

From Evil to Auspicious

The following is a letter I wrote to my meditation teacher. He shared with me last week that while he was meditating with me in mind, he felt a sensation on his right hand, outer palm. According to Sahaja meditation that spot on the body represents 'evil'. He felt to tell me of this and how to meditated to rid myself of whatever the cause of it was. The following is my response to this. Note, foot soaking is what we do during Sahaja mediatation.



HI Nitin,

I pondered and practice meditation focused on ridding evil. I went through many thoughts....blaming others who I hung with for attaching evil to me. Being the "head case" that I am I had to study up on the all the definitions of evil. I felt dirty, like I have let the evil D-evil attach himself to me. (Which has been a part of my Christian upbringing, but in recent years, I pretty much doubt the existence of such a being).
I was pondering the evil and the thought came to me: 'Act like you’re slamming a door.' So I did. And I realized, I am right handed, and the force of pressure that I would use to slam a door is ....right on the part of my outer palm where you showed me that evil resides. So I made that connection that I need to slam the door on evil. Step one.
I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now". His book has been teaching me a lot of about Self-realization and God-realization. I came to realize that evil attachment had to do with decisions that I have been making- not necessary intentional, but just out of unawareness....and definitely out of big old ego. Interesting, I was very hung up on the word 'evil' and Tolle discusses not to get caught up on words themselves. Call it whatever name you want, but realize it is a principle that you need to come to terms with...by whatever label one places on it.
With Valentine's Day tomorrow....the whole celebration of love thing, I realized I wanted to clear myself of wronging myself and to make decision for my well- being.
Instead of doing a foot soak tonight, I did a whole body soak in the bathtub. I practiced meditation in the bathtub. Then I took a shower to cleanse and rinse. I spent much time letting the shower spray on my right outer palm. It was a good symbolic cleansing for me. Many people were brought to mind that I had hurt with my selfishness (‘evil’) decisions.
I've also faced that fact that for the most part, the negativity at work and in life in general, that I want to get away from is the negativity within me: that I am drawing it to me because of the sum total of what I have created in my life to this point.
Some years back I made a very selfish decision that hurt people that I love dearly, including myself. I have learned from Tolle that I have been unconsciously bringing bad back to myself. The truth and realization almost LITERALLY hit me over the head with it this week. What a wake call, that I have to stop these wrong (evil) choices.
On occasion, I smear my head with coconut oil since it is good for hair. I realized tonight that it was a part of my cleansing ritual...I was ANNOITING my head with oil-just as I am familiar with in my Christian faith. Interesting, I decided to research to see if anointing is part of Hindu faith. Yes, I found the following:
"In the Hindu belief systems anointment is freely practiced. To mark particular devotions, as a "consecration" to particular beliefs or as a ritualized blessing used especially to invoke auspicious beginnings,...Anointing is also used to aid persons within negative cycles—"
I love that word auspicious. I believe that tonight the negative cycles are broke out of my life and an auspicious life is “NOW”. I was going to say auspicious future. But I'm pulling out of the past and not pushing so hard into the future. I am balanced NOW.
Interesting, you know how one sleep's wrong and gets a stiff neck. I have had a stiffness in my right shoulder and I feel the soreness when I push my shoulder forward. I thought this strange, since I never had such a soreness before. I realized that I have been putting alot of pressure on myself about the upcoming months. ...all these big changes that I have to make happen. My body is trying to tell me to let off on the anxiety about it.
I wanted to share my thoughts with you and let you know that I took to heart what you revealed to me. I have experienced some self-realization. Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.
See you Wednesday,
Roselle

Helllo Ladies,
I don't feel like I have anything particularly inspiring to write about, but I wanted to check in. I have been dilignt to exercise with 10 minutes a day dedicated to each of us. Often I exercise for longer than a half an hour.
What's going on in my life now: I am really enjoying Budhist meditation on Monday nights and Wednesday nights I learn Sahaja yoga mediation. I am learning more and more how God is one God in all of us, no matter what religion we label ourselves. Not that anyone it teaching me that, but pieces to my overall understanding are popping into place, like missing puzzle pieces. In my meditations I have been pondering how I can take part in these foriegn religion practices, as they do serve a great benefit to me, yet I did't want to disown Christianity. I was pondering the concepts of how these practices are so much like Christian practices, but just differet names on them. I stayed after in Sahaja class. The conversation went very deep as I happened to mention that I have Lakshmi and Ganesh included in my self-realization practices. The instructor was surprised... being of India nationality, he doesn't speak much of the Hindu gods as we Amerians are no so receptive. As we talked further that he explained that there are different points on our bodies that represents all the different entities of all the different faiths... Jesus is located right in the middle of the forehead, Lakshmi in the middle of stomach. I could go on on, but I am expressing that I am at realizing more that God is Universal, and all that universal power dwells within me, in my spirit. I do have the power to be the Master of my own destiny. I do have the power to create my future and to live in the NOW in a spectacular way. All is well in my world. All is well within me. Selah

I know how to get back up

What did I create in January?
My January was focused on Confidence. I think I built a tittle-bit of self-esteem. But I wish I would've done more. This next month I'm taking a cue from mom and going to start meditating or focusing my mind each morning. So that my days are more intentional. Some of the things I did this month that helped me with my confidence level are... I read through that Joyce Meyer magazine. She had some wonderful things to say that meant a lot to me. Also I stole your affirmation mom... "i look good i feel great i weight 199 pounds" I would chant this well walking to work a lot of times. I took time for my outward appearance. Even doing something as keeping my nails looking nice has really helped make me feel special. And last but not least, i got a boyfriend. I know confidence is suppose to be all about your self and loving yourself. But having a boyfriend makes a girl really feel good. Plus I think that is what helps contribute to my beauty regimen. Another thing I did this month for the betterment of myself was when i got back to work i started making wiser food choices, limiting sugar, and portion sizes. I eat more often but less at a time.

I'm really excited for this month. INSPIRATION. That's what it's all about.
What will I do to achieve my goals in February?
I will read an inspirational story. Not just about weight loss but all forms.
Each day I will take time to read a story and think about it and ask God if there is anything for me to specifically get from it.
I will start keeping a journal with me. Inspiration can strike anywhere anytime from anyone or anything.
Meditate on who I am in Christ. I have a little pamphlet that lists all the verses about what and who God says I am. And I think its due time that my mindset about myself starts to line up with my creator.

Thought that I had today...
Road blocks have a diving purpose...They make you stronger! If everything in life was all sunshine and daisies everyone would be complacent. Why work for anything if everything in my life is just okay.
Also it's God's way of saying "not here, not now". Remember He plants you your dreams and desires within you and will bring them into fruition in HIS TIME. They may not always look the way you expected but they are better then you could ever dream or imagine.

Now for today's inspirational moment...

Today i was inspired by...
Eating mindfully! Mom you're blog post really got me thinking.

Inspiration in Action...
During all my meals today I ate slowly, took smaller bites, and chewed a lot. It made me realize how much i normally just scarf down my food after like 3 bites. I also made notice of all of the foods sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound. It was a really neat thing to do. I also found that I ate wayyyyy less food. Partially bc when your so aware you realize when your full faster. But also bc i would have to run back from break.

Well thats that. Have a great night! Love ya!

Another New Beginning

Happy new month of our new year of The Power of Three! I feel a great sense of accomplishment. I practiced most of what was on my vision page for January. I missed a few things. But I'm okay and I'm on my way.
January's focus for me was "Creating" - to bring into being. To cause to exist.
What I did not accomplish *create* is:
SparkPeople. I did (re)sign up but haven't made use of the site.
I didn't get music downloaded on to an ipod for working out. I did make wonderful use of Pandora for working out and had some really fun workouts.. plus I started using peaceful music to play as 'white noise' in my office. It has made a relaxing difference.
I didn't write near as much as I would have liked to. I did write down a memorable dream and some really good flash cards that I use during meditation.
My quote on my vision page was "Remember to write, write to remember." And you know what....writing those cards has been a great help. It does help me to remember to command great things for my life. They remind me of who I am and what I can have.
I did not read a book from cover to cover as I had intended. But I chewed on several different books that brought me great insight and comfort. Books included: Be here Now. The One Command. The Three Keys to Self-Empowerment. These are all basically cookbooks for self-empowerment. Not meant to be whizzed through cover to cover.

So girls, this is a fresh start! Let's focus on what we DID accomplish in January! ..not what we didn't accomplish. Please do tell what you did accomplish/create in your lives in January.
What I created was....
I went from 122pds to 208.6.
I did go to the gym everyday before or after work.
I meditated every morning. I took up meditation class on Mondays and Wednesdays. -Two different types.
I kicked the diet soda habit. I believe I had a total of 5 cans since I started, rather than 3 a day.
I did some mindful eating where I only focused on my food. The sight, smell, taste, feel and how it sounds. By using all my senses I was satified more with less food. ohhh, that is a wonderful concept that I am learning more about...being satisfied more with less-not just food. I am satisfied more with less just by being mindful of what is around me. I am a witness to life at the moment and it does bring joy and peace instantly.
I did drink green. I drank chlorophyl water every morning.
I did text Treven...almost every day.....AND he texted me back!!!!!!One small step for mother/son relationship.....one giant hug for my heart.
What was the best thing about January 2012? It is that I feel closer to my daughters. We have grown closer as women and friends. Relationship- That is the heart and soul of a beautiful life. And I thank you for the influence that you have had on me to be a better person, to be a stronger woman. You both have contributed to that.
Joelle, you are a great example of the power of inner peace no matter how tumultuous the wind or rain is around you.
Shanna, you are the epidomony of strength within yourself. You do not grovel with a man if it goes against the peace within you. That is strength. You set an example for me when you were willing to forfiet New York City so that I would not grovel with David.
grov·el (grvl, grv-)
1. To behave in a servile or demeaning manner; cringe.
2. To lie or creep in a prostrate position, as in subservience or humility.
3. To give oneself over to base pleasures: "Have we not groveled here long enough, eating and drinking like mere brutes?" (Walt Whitman).
Shanna and you proved yourself again with Brandon.
Both of my beautiful daughters have amazing strenth. I need you both in my life. It makes me a better person just having your influence.
In the words of Miley...I'm still good. We are still good! We are still the Power of Three!
Now...Turn the page. Time for a new beginning. This month my focus word is IMAGINE.
There is a quote on my page:
"Go confidently in the direction of your deams. Live the life you have imagined."
Every DAY is a new beginning to create what you imagine.
So creating Woman..Creative Power of Three....What shall it be?
What do you so desire to create today?
Imagine it, speak it....and so it shall be. You shall make it exist!
Selah Selah Selah Selah Selah Selah Selah

I ain't gonna lie......

....in the preface words of Shanna. I'm so awefully lonely. I'm getting tearful much of time about it. When I'm not a work, I am by myself all day without anyone to talk to. I even broke down and called David. It seemed better to talk with him with all his negative/cruel speech then be swallowed up in lonley awareness. But after listening to him, I am reminded that I would rather be alone in the world then be in his beat-me-down world.
I had a good mediation session last night then I went to bed very sad and lonely. Yet, I told myself to pull up my big girl panties and deal with. Just roll over and go to sleep.

Last night I drempt I was out in the artic. Just a sea of ice and I was alone in the vastness feeling so desolate.

Definition of DESOLATE

1 devoid of inhabitants and visitors : deserted
2: joyless, disconsolate, and sorrowful through or as if through separation from a loved one
3 a: showing the effects of abandonment and neglect : dilapidated -a desolate old house b: barren, lifeless -a desolate landscape c: devoid of warmth, comfort, or hope : gloomy -desolate memories Yeah...my dream was a visual of Desolation. I am feeling all those descriptions.

I'm walking along on the ice. Sort of wondering how I got here and why I am here. Then all of sudden "THUNK". A whole trunk of beer dropped down in front me. It dropped out of the sky. It hit hard. Nothing was damaged. The beer was getting unloaded and distributed by guys who showed up out of nowhere.

In my artic dream there were several different scenes. I was walking across the ice when all of sudden a big ocean wave came rolling up behind me and I started to panic. There was no getting away from it. I saw three people in kayaks up ahead of me. How are we all on ice and they are paddling as if on water???? I ain't gonna lie....that's weird. But they were paddling toward me and the wave that was coming up behind me. The wave swept over me and I went under it with thoughts that this might be the end. The wave could drawn me! How does one swim on ice? But the wave just curled over me, I was unharmed. Then I worried about the kayakers ahead of me with the wave coming at them. Would they be okay? They rode the wave and just laughed and had a great time. The wave was exciting for them. The best part of their ride was getting that unexpected fun wave to ride.
There were other things mixed in my dreams,but not worth mentioning since they had to do with guys and were an insigficant distraction from my goal. Which was to just get out of this desert of ice and get back to my packed things, because I was ready to move.

When I woke up I went to my computer to turn on some mediatation music. My screen saver rotates pictures. The current picture was on an artic scene. Big chunks of ice rocks like bolders in the foreground of a big sea of ice and in the distance big black mountains covered in snow. The sun was shining through the mountains with a sparkle and it shined a glare on a path of the ice right up to the ice bolders. As if shining light on the path leading to the mountains.

In my reflection of all this, this is my sense of understanding. I am also reminded of what James- (The Intuitive one) said to me. That the winter season is very difficult for Leos. But seasons change and this cold and lonely time will pass.
In the dream, I was walking ...good sign because I kept moving....I stayed on a journey. I wasn't sitting hopeless. I was in a challenging spot, but I kept giving effort to change where I was. The wave overtaking me from behind...nothing to panic about. It passed by me fine. I am now reminded of the summer when I swam in the ocean with David and big wave would come at us I would turn to look at it in panic and he would say "why do you turn and look at it with your mouth open? " Okay, no more looking in fear at unexpected things coming from behind. In an ocean one expects a wave, but on a sea of ice?

The three people in the kayak. That was the Power of Three out having a good time- heading towards me.
Then after my awakening...and seeing the screen saver with the sparkling sun shining across the ice was inviting me to follow its lighted path. But I did looked around and saw off to the side was a melted patch. I didn't feel safe following the light. Maybe I will fall through the ice. Oh, I see a pattern here....stop looking around a things in doubt and fear. Keep my eyes where I want to go. Rule number one in motorcycle riding....KEEP YOUR EYES UP AHEAD WHERE YOU WANT TO GO. DO NOT...DO NOT LOOK WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO. You wind up where your eyes are gazing.
I need confidence to follow the sun and find a way to make it to the mountains. (Bozeman) In my sadness last night, I did read my bathroom plaque that says, "Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." I have a patch of sunshine peeking out from the mountains telling me to keep my eyes on the sun....that is where I will wind up.
As for the beer? Well, if a truck of beer is going to drop out of heaven for no apparent reason. It's time to crack some cans open and throw a party!
Girls, get a homecoming party planned for me!

Strut ur stuff

Hey sorry i havent been in top of things. Im doing this from my nook at work... My first full week back to work was FANTASTIC. Ive been staying away from sugar and really just trying to cut back on hlw much i eat. I got a gym membership last week and worked out on the floor bc there werent any group fit classes. Its an odd set up, i did 15 min on both the bike and elliltical. The way the machines are set up they face in with no tv or window or anything in front of ur face but the men walking back and forth strutting and i do mean strutttttinggggg lol. I suppose if u work hard for ur musles why not spend ur time in the gym walking around showing them off to everyone...do u ever notice thatthe "meat head" guys never really do anything? They may do a quick set here and there but mostly just stand my tbe machines and look in the mirror... lol this is an observation for gyms in 3 states. Hehe. Tonight im going to oula!! So excited... i also may catch the second half of nia if the doors arnt locked....Then tomorrow is exciting bc dan and j are leaving im going to stat doing my jillian workout so that i can hoot and hollar and jump up and down at 5 in the morning...well i best get back to work. Ta!

Rockin in the new year!

Back at it! My vision book had the word 'surrender' in it for January and I've found that I have indeed been surrending and it hasn't even been totally conscience. In Nia I found myself resonating with moves that felt like I was releasing. I also started doing lesson 1 in "A Course in Weight Loss." I am working through the lesson that invovlves releasing shame, anger, fear, etc. I have hardly even scratched the surface but I have another couple weeks of surrending to go.

I really enjoyed our time bringing in the New Year and I agree that 2012 is going to be a really powerful year for us all.

Intestines n Toenails

I went to a meditation class last night...I'm learning a new form of meditation to add to my 'spirtual toolbag'. The table I have set up in my living room is an alter. I head to it first thing in the morning.....which lately has been 4:45. I light a candle and I wash my hands with rosewater. I look over my monthly vision page. I hold some meaningful stones and I settle into meditating. Today, it seemed so strange, I saw my intestines working up out of my mouth. I thought how bizzare! How gross! I was throwing up my intestines and what still remained I was pulling up out of my throat and mouth. I felt it was rather disturbing, but curious why in the world I was seeing this in my mind's eye. I turned to Louise Hay for reference on intestines.

Intestines
Problem/cause: assimilation. absorption. elimination with ease.
New thought: I easily assimilate and absorb all that I need to know and release the past with joy.

In pondering all this I came to realize what I was 'seeing' was myself purging...eliminating....DETOXING (which is my goal this first quarter of the year)... detox from my past- from emotional garbage that I had been absorbing and not eliminating very successfully. Now I can assimilate, absorb new joy. I feel cleaned out. I took the photos of Doug and of David and placed them under the feet of the elephant that stands on my alter. The elephant represents a remover of obstacles. Interesting thing is the photo with Doug has him standing with a sign that says "Please stay on the trail" and he is holding up his middle finger. He wasn't one to stay within curteous boundaries. David's photo is me and him at music fest and it says "The song remains the same". Ohhh well, he can keep dancing to the same ole tune, but I am changing up my rythym.

Joelle, when I looked up intestines....right there in the "i's" Ingrown toenail caught my eye. Do you know Louise says that means you are struggling with "worry or guilt about your right to move forward!"
new thought pattern" "It is my Divine right to take my own direction in life. I am safe. I am free."
Even if you have a baby to care for...you have a Divine right to not feel guilty or worry about doing what is good for you!!
I told you about when I had surgery on my ingrown toenails.....it was right after I had the weightloss surgery...and yes, I had worry and guilt about my right to move forward. Wow!

All is well in 2012! We are three moving forward without guilt or worry. We are dancing to a new song, staying on the trail that is ment for each of us...and fully absorbing joy and eliminating toxins!
Selah!

Reach for IT!

Two mornings in a row I have gotten up at 4:40 and headed to the gym. Plus, I did a walk on my lunch break. In just a couple days of motivation I lost 3 pounds. I'm pooping the crap right of me. Every since Joelle was here and cooking, I've going some serious dumps! I've continued to eat lots of veggies. I'm not going hungry. Just making healthier choices and working out. Something has definitely changed in my intestines processing food.
I love my vision book. I have set on the living room table, my vision book opened to January, a candle, rose water, Selah plaque, Laksmi, my elephant (remover of obstacles) and photos. In the morning, I dedicate my day to creating things that will accomplish my theme of the month. To Go Bold and Create. I spent a bit of time mediating and head off to the gym. My intention is that this will be my morning routine.
I know this is going to be a great, exciting year. I feel encouraged that we brought the new year in together. I feel the Power of Three is benefiting us individually and as a family. It's a beautiful thing.
Today as I walked, I kept staring up into the sky. The clouds were strentched out layering over the beautiful blue sky. The sky looked much like the view that you see in photos from outerspace looking on the earth and you see the white with the blue that is water. I felt like I was in heaven or outerspace looking down on the earth.... I realized there is not much difference. The sun shines in both directions...it is round, after all. I also realized how easy it is to transcend clouds. Sometimes the clouds seem like obstacles blocking the sun, but clouds are just fluff. You can reach or fly right through a cloud. It appears to be a barrier, but its not. Nothing stands in the way of us reaching the heavens or the sun. We have no barriers to reaching what we want or need. There might be a cloud or a smoke screen that appears to hinder reaching it, but any apparant block to our goal is just fluff that we need to reach right though.