for your wording pleasure

per·se·ver·ance   

1.steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
2.Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.



Endurance (also called Sufferance, Stamina, or Durability) is the ability for a human or animal to exert itself for a long period of time, as well as its ability to resist, withstand, recover from, and have immunity to physical trauma, wounds, or fatigue

Endurance

My word today is endurance. A little similar to perseverence. There's a theme going on. I was reading about trees and learning to communicate/being open to receive wisdom from trees. And the word for Aspen is endurance. I chose Aspen because I feel like my tree at this point in my life would be aspens. I name of the yoga studio I go to is Aspen Ark because rather than having a yard with grass she has a yard of aspens. In our own backyard we have quite a few aspens. We had a bunch of new growth this year. There are 4 taller aspens, probably at least 5-10 years old and in the center is a new baby aspen, born this year. I was guessing it would have sprung up around the same time Jude was born, so we dedicated that tree to Jude. In many cultures it is common to bury the placenta underneath a tree and the tree is often visited or consulted with to inquire about the health of the person. Since I chose to take part in placentophagy (consume the placenta) I couldn't bury it, but I still wanted to have a tree for Jude-so we chose the aspen in the center of the 4 proctector trees.

I also have an affinity with willows. Maybe because of you mom, but I have always loved willows. The word associated with willows is magic. Pretty cool.

So today I spent my 30 minutes on a beatiful walk around my house with the baby. We walked around the front and then headed into the back to walk by the creek. We walked through the beautifully illuminated field, and I just couldn't stop being in awe of the beatuy of this place. The snow peaked mountains in the distance, the yellow rolling hills, the guiding "M" that overlooks the city. I really love living here and when I see the sunset rising above the mountains, I can't help but be grateful to be alive.

There was this wonderful exercise we did in kundalini yoga yesterday. It was supposed to be beneficial for clearning away anger and burning up negativity and any weird or yucky things. We did it for 3 minutes. My yoga teacher said she did that exercise everyday for 40 days and she said it had a phenomonal affect on her life. I think I'd like to give it a try. I could just incorporate it into the daily 30. So I've been really excited about the progess of our project up til this point. We've had some lag periods where we've all kind of just stopped blogging, but we are still hanging in there and I think the physical activity has been doing good things for all of us so far. I think doing the anger burning move for 3 minutes might kick things up a knotch. All is well in my world and affairs.

Whos loves to dance? This girl!

I forgot to blog until i woke up to pee at 5 in the morning. Okay so here is what happened yesterday...
I went to yoga at the gym for the first time. About half way through I was thinking i was never going to do it again. It certainly was not restorative yoga. It was some intense Sh*t. But then I realized that is exactly why i need to do it ever week. Also at the end I felt very accomplished. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
Then after yoga was my favorite thing in the universe...OULA! I found a website so you guys can kinda see what it is.
The other reason I have to stick with yoga is because i would have to do my own thing for an hour waiting for oula class, bc there is no way I can miss it. Alright. Well I have to work in an hour and a half...Horrah! Then its the weekend baby.

Ah shoot! Dang. Deleted . Staying Steadfast.

I was on a roll discussing steadfastness and confidence..... and all of a sudden POOOOF! It all deleted with a accidentel touch of button as I hammered away on the keyboard. I still don't know how or why it happended. I don't know my keyboard well enough. Often I'm making things pop up or disapear when I have no intention of it. Darn it...and my typing didn't auto save. Shoot. I have to remember to hit the SAVE NOW button more frequently.
Anyhow....guess I have to put into practice steadfastness and start typing all over again.
So as I was saying, before I was so rudely deleted....
For the past few weeks I have been mulling over in my mind three words.
CONFIDENCE
CERTAINITY
FAITH
I have been comparing and contrasting the meaning of these three words and pondering how they apply to my life.
It all started with a teaching on a Tony Robison cd that I was listening to on my way to work. I arrived at work just in time to step out of the car and stand in the parking lot with my car door opened and listened to Tony as he talked me through this demonstration of how to experience Certainity in your mind and body.
Don't just read the following. Stand up and participate now.

Try this:

Stand up with your eyes closed and think of something that you want to come about in your life. Now think in terms of "I hope this ______________ happens." "I really hope for this _________." I hope, I hope. I hope. I am full of hope. Think hope about this thing you desire.
As you are HOPING for this, stop and think about your body stance. How are you legs standing? What about your knees? Your head and neck? Your shoulders? How in the intensity in your hands and arms? The angle of your backbone? Take time to study your body language.

Now, Part 2

Okay, now.... while thinking of this thing that you want..... say to yourself negative things about the desire. Such as "Oh, I know this will never happen." "I can never have that." "It's just a wishful thought." ect.

Now take notice of how your body language changes? Did your shoulders drop? Did your knees change position? Do you feel more slack in your spine? Does your head feel heavier? Experience what your body is telling you now in how it responds to hopelessness.

Now, Part 3

Think of this desired thing and say to yourself, "I am certain that I have _________." "I am absolutely certain of this." "There is not a shadow of a doubt that ____________ is mine." I am completely certain. Certain. Certain. Certain. I am so sure and certain of this. It is in my life.

How did your body change it's language in response to CERTAINITY. Did your shoulders lift? Is your back straight and stiffer? Is you head held higher? Are your knees more locked in an upright stance?

The body feels hope, despair and certainity. Practice thinking thoughts with certainity. Get so use to that feeling of certainity that your body warns you when you are thinking of your desires with les than certainity.

When I went to walk David through the experiment, I kept saying "confidence" instead of certainity. Confidence was stuck in my head.
(Shewwwww.... good thang I saved my draft..... a good part of it deleted on me again. Uggghhh...this keep board keeps me steadfastly retyping. But I will get my point across! )

As I was saying, I meant to walk David through a Certainity experiement, but I walked him through the same process but it was a confidence experiment. But does it matter? What really is the difference between confidence and certainity?
And then I ask myself, why have I made the word "Faith" so obsolete in my vocabulary. I notice that I use words like certainity and confidence, in place of faith. I asked myself why I done this. Faith is still a legitamate word. For some reason its become obscure in my dilect.

con·fi·dence
   [kon-fi-duhns] Show IPA

noun
1.
full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed.

2.
belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.


cer·tain
   [sur-tn] Show IPA

adjective
1.
free from doubt or reservation; confident; sure: I am certain he will come.

2.
destined; sure to happen (usually followed by an infinitive): He is certain to be there.

3.
inevitable; bound to come: They realized then that war was certain.

4.
established as true or sure; unquestionable; indisputable: It is certain that he tried.

5.
fixed; agreed upon; settled: on a certain day; for a certain amount.


faith
   [feyth] Show IPA

noun
1.
confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.

2.
belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3.
belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4.
belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty

So the lessson of the day, stay steadfast to believe we are destined to get our heart's desire (certainity) Believe in the power of ourselves (confidence) and of God (faith) to make our heart's desires manifest.
Well, now I have to go put endurance and perservance into practice. It's 9pm and I am tired, but the whole day has passed by without me leaving the apartment. I feel no motiviation to exercise for a half-hour, but I will get on the floor and do some movement while watching tv. My last couple days of exercise were out dancin it up! I'd rather be dancing, but sit-ups and leg lifts for tonight.

Hey I have been blogging!

Damn I need to get caught up on reading the thousands of blogs that have been posted... I LOVE IT! So yesterday my 30 minutes was a little non-traditional. It consisted of a freaking out baby and me trying to calm him down until his dad got home. Then today was legit...NIA!!!! My love... It was a bit crazy today with like 5 little girls running around but it was still great. Tomorrow the plan is to do yoga and Oula at the gym. Can't wait.

Govardhan cont.

Premature on hitting the "publish post" button...anywho...I shall pray for Dan's health and prosperity. There are also parades, street fairs, and parties. The deity statues are washed in milk. I don't have any statues, or milk for that matter, but I will do some "cleansing."

I'm personally a fan of the "smudging." It's always been something that resonates with me, plus I love the smell and the way it changes the feel of a room. I really believe it can clear out stagnant energy. I had a book that described smudging as a way to open a ceremony or prayer-the smoke cleanses the negativity and it's a way to announce that we are leaving the ordinary and stepping into something special and extraordinary.

I held a little ceremony last night. Since it was the New Moon in Scorpio its a wonderful time to pay homage to Hecate-the Crone Goddess. She's referred to as the crossroads Goddess, ruler of the dark night. A friend of mine told me about the ritual one year ago. Which is when I saw the bear crossing the road. I was walking to the 3 way corner, wearing all black. It was only a couple hundred yards from our apartment. After I first stepped out the door I heard an animal in a bush. After my eyes adjusted a little more to the dark, (the New Moon is when the moon isn't visible so it's extra dark out,)I made out that it was a raccoon. I contiuned walking to the 3 way corner and saw a black 4 legged creature, huge creature, running from the 3 way point, across the road, and into the alley. At first I thought it was a dog, and then realized it was a bear. I thought it was a baby bear, then my next thought were, "where's the mama?" I got scared thinking about an encounter with her, so I ran back to the apartment. After Dan and I chased the bear down the alley in the truck, she ran up the tree. Actually we didn't mean to chase her, we just wanted to check her out, and we caught her ass up in the air with her head buried in a trash car, then when she heard us, she bolted. But I had Dan stay in the truck next to the bear up in the tree so that I could go back to the 3 way to leave my food offering to Hecate. I left it there-fish-I guess she can take the form of a cat so it's nice to leave a treat that a cat would enjoy, said a quick prayer asking her to remove all unnecessary blocks that were preventing me from continuing on my Higher Path and to open up doorways for me and to guide me on the right path. Then ran back to the apartment to meet Dan. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time.I could've never guessed that one year later, I would be on this path.

So last night, I dressed in all black ( already was wearing black pants and shirt from yoga, I just had to take off my red coat and put on my black shall,) and went to the closest 3 way corner, which is just a few steps across the street. I left my offering of fish to Hecate and thanked her for leading me to this path that I'm currently on , and to once again remove unnecessary blockages and to lead me in the right direction, which I kept feeling was actually to the right, the mountains, east.

I had read on the internet, right before I went out to leave my offering that she is sometimes called upon in childbirth. So I thanked her for my experience with childbirth and I asked her to guide me along my new journey as a mother with my baby. I asked her to lead me along the way of the Highest Path for all involved. I kept in short and sweet. Dan was waiting near by. I was scared! I had headed out in the darkness-feeling nervous about it being so dark and all the unknown creatures of the night! I heard some rustling in the tree on the edge of our property. As I was standing by the road waiting to cross, some approaching headlights slowed down, and Dan turned into the driveway. Naturally he asked what I was doing with a smelly (and I mean extremely smelly) bag of fish in my hand. I had him cross the street with me and chuck the offering into the field next to the 3 way. Being a busy three way corner, I didn't want to attract any animals to the fish only to meet their fate of getting creamed by a car flying down the road. So he tossed the fish, I said my prayers at the corner and we both returned to the warm safety of out home.

Old man winter is definitely making his way for Bozeman. Everywhere in the north, but I'm feeling it here in Bozeman. But I did some shop therapy to help me keep true to my words about winter. I made an oath to myself to not complain a single time about winter. I don't know how strict or in depth I'm going to get with that yet, i.e. I haven't decided if I can talk about the cold, ice, lack of sunshine, etc. However,bottome line is no complaining about it being winter, so depending on the context I probably won't be talking about those things either. But I do have 2 new pairs of beautiful boots that will help me to enjoy winter with warm toes. Well off to the rest of my day. I think I shall do some praying about our trip, and for my man's health and prosperity, and all of our's for that matter, and I pray that this trip planning is easy and effortless. We have everything organized and prepared with ease. Bless this day!

Govardhan

Govardhan is day four of the Festival of Lights-Diwali. Today husband's are supposed to give their wive's gifts and wives pray for their husband's health and prosperity. Dan bought me a new pair of boots last night from Costco. I think that could count. I prayed for his

Lakshmi

Happy Diwali!
I got up this morning and cleaned the house, swepted the air with a cinnamon broom. I am well prepared to recieve prosperity. Louise Hay says you can have as much prosperity as you are willing to recieve.
Diwali, being The Festival of Lights, I made a row of candles and put on Pandora "Bollywood Baby" station. I thought of how grateful that I am the God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus, Budha....the Holy forces of the universe (by whatever title our culture chooses to place on our Creator) came through to delivery me a beautiful little grandbaby boy.
There was a day when I was so full of anxiety, waiting for Joelle to go into labor. It meant everything in the whole world to me to be there when she had the baby. And well, people at work were speaking against the positive energy and saying that Joelle would not have the baby while I was there....that I should have waited. It was reported to me that every morning in morning meeting someone spoke against me. Mocking me as if wishing that I would not be there when the grandbaby arrived. I wanted to be there for Joelle as much as I wanted to be part of this awesome moment.
One day as I was praying for peace and that this anxiety would leave me, I felt compelled to go into Joelle's room and just grab one card off her deck. I did. The card read "Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine." It was LAKSHMI on the card. Wow...I was in awe and felt reassurd that I did the right thing to travel there and be there with Joelle prior to her delivery.
Well, the hours past, the days past...and the little baby was in no hurry to come out. I kept Lakshmi card hung up in the kitchen in my view to remind myself. ...STOP WORRYING! After 9 days of waiting and trying to suppress the anxiety.... I couldn't take it anymore and I went crazy, hopeless with a freak out session. I took Lakshmi and ripped the card up. It was not true. Things were not going to be alright....things looked worse then ever. I cried most of the night, so upset. Why would God mislead me, when I felt so certain that I was suppose to fly to Montana when I did? Welllll..... needless to say. Everything was alright. Joelle started serious labor the next morning and by the afternoon beautiful Jude was here gracing us with his presence. I felt like a fool. If I could have just held out one more day, I could have avoided a freak out session. Now I know, just hang on for one more day. You don't know what is just up ahead around the corner, what the next dawn will bring.... I believe it's something as beautiful as Jude. So just hold out on the panic attacks!!! Wait for it...wait for it. Blessings are surely coming.
I have so much more to say and so little time... off to work I go. But I dressed up and adorned myself with lots of jewelry in admiration for God and a Goddess who make everything alright.
By the way, I keep a card in view.... all taped up.... It is Laksmi "Bright Future". Regardless of the damage of done in my past, it taped up, patched up, put back together for bright future.
Silah.

One more thing....

To quote Swami Bodhananda: “The message of Diwali is the victory of self-knowledge and moderation over self-indulgence and profligacy. To celebrate Diwali means to enjoy inner bliss, reduce our personal needs, light the lamp of wisdom in the community, and share our gifts and resources with the marginalized and the needy. Let this year's Diwali observance be a conscious commitment to the philosophy of 'less is more.’”

Note: prof·li·ga·cy   /[prof-li-guh-see] noun
1.shameless dissoluteness.
2.reckless extravagance.
3.great abundance.

Perseverence

I realize that I already have a previous post with the same title. I chose to do a repeat of perseverence, however, because I believe that I failed to actually explain why I chose the title "perseverence" in the first place.

It all started back in the Dancing for Birth class. The instructor spread out a deck of affirmation cards in the middle of us four ladies. She told us to pick a card that spoke to us and to create an affirmation for ourselves with that word. The first word that jumped out to me was perseverence. After initially catching my eye, I decided to glance at all the other cards just to see if any of them spoke out to me. After carefully eyeing the whole deck of cards, my eyes wandered back to that original first word-perseverence. Before my mind really had time to process the meaning of that word and why it would speak out to me and what my affirmation could be, it was my turn to share with the group. So I winged it. My affirmation was "I persevere with steadfastness and confidence." I am still trying to digest exactly what that's supposed to mean to my life and how it would benefit me to apply it. But I do know that maybe I could start affirming it and just see what changes come about.

Today is the second day of the Hindu festival, Diwali-the Festival of Lights. In honor of the Hindu New Year, I decided to take part in the tradion by cleaning my house. Because as the story goes...Laskmi comes to the cleanest homes first. I swept out the dusty, stagnant corners and washed the nooks and crannys. As I did this, I said "I am cleaning out the corners of my mind." I enjoyed all the progress I was making as Jude slept peacefully and angelically in his "race car seat" aka car seat.

Tomorrow is the New Moon. We will celebrate! Yes yes indeed.

It was also suggested by my pagan calendar (my source for the Diwali info) to purchase new clothes to wear on the New Moon. Not completely intentional, however, not necessarily by chance either, I received a beautiful new red jacket, and Judah got a green dragon costume. I was debating on whether or not to get it for him for Halloween/Samhain because I already had a costume for him, but the downfall was that it was too large. So we were cruising around Costco with the dragon hat on and everybody thought it was adorable, and he fell asleep with it on, and chewed up the tag...so we bought it! Looks like Jude might be wearing something special for the New Moon along with his mom in her new red jacket. The whole time I kept reminiscing the time I was cleaning my room and I decided to put on my red rain jacket and my red rain boots. I thought I looked so cute. I had to run and have my mom take a picture of me so we could look back and remember how cute I looked.

It was a pleasant day overall. I went to Mom and Baby Yoga at the library and did 30 minutes of downward dog and cobra for the 3 of us gals! The class is really expanding. Today she played music for the first time since I've been going and I just kept thinking in astonishment "I can't believe we've gone all this while without music." I had never even noticed it until that point- when we had the music. So I guess I can make a new saying to go along with "You don't know what you've got til it's gone," well...sometimes you don't know what ya don't got, til ya got it!".....that's all folks!

Turbo Zumba

So today after work i did a one hour class of Turbo kick and a half hour of Zumba. The zumba class is actually an hour but i left early. I don't know why i always think i like zumba. And i suppose i do but i just can not do more then 30 minutes, it just starts to bore me. It doesn't matter who the instructor is. However Turbo Kick was great. The instructor wasn't as "perky" as i like but it was a new round so she was probably just a lil off. But that is one class I will most definitely be repeating. Not sure what I'm going to do tomorrow yet. I hope you girls had a great day!

Beats Antique

Interesting enough...that is the very CD I have in my car mom! Beats Antique! It seems we're on the same link. I love those shimmy belts! I think I might take my belly dancing up a notch and invest in a coin belt.

Today I spent my 30 minutes at the hot springs. I admit it is a little slackerish, because I didn't quite get a mindful workout in, but I'm giving myself a few points for the cell rejuventation. Moving from hot and cold water to speed up my circulation and help drain my lymphatic system.

Yesterday I did "Just Dance" with Shanna for the first time. It was quite fun. Shanna kicked my booty though. I guess I've got some work to do! That's what my yoga teacher told me when she told me to squeeze my thighs and I said "I am!" I also went for a beatiful walk behind the house. The wheat stands tall and yellow. The sun was setting and the last hour of sunlight was shining bright on the field. We came upon a HUGE pile of bear scat. I mean HUGE. I had to take a picture of it, I was so impressed. Then I looked up and in the suns rays I saw a large figure standing up and leaning back and I honestly almost caused my heart to stop beating, because I thought it was a bear, looking at us, looking at his shit. But then I realized it was just a man flying a model airplane.

I like what you said about recommitting each day to blog. I am recommiting as well. 3 beats don't make an antique. That's what they say anyways. Or at least that's what I say right now right before I say Peace out, goodnight my sister and motha~!

Dance Dance Dance

Okay. So just checking in. I have been doing Nia, Just Dance, and a new thing called Oula. I have been dancing up a storm. I love Nia is like dance yoga. So relaxing.
Oula is a lot like Nia but WAYYYYYY more intense. Basically each song is a choreographed dance. The music is popular stuff like Rhianna and Britney Spears.
Tomorrow I'm going to Turbo Kick (which i miss soooooo much for Mt.p) and Zumba.
My eating habits havens been so fabulous however. Well I know it wasnt much but thats me checking in. I recommit to blog every day even if its only a sentence!

Everybody Get Crunk

I did my half-hour walk today. Nothing insightful. Just enjoyed getting crunked up to Luda, Lil Jon and such while I walked. I just did the damn thang.

So why do I feel so all alone up in hur?

The last 10 devoted to Shanna it did start to spit from the sky, but I thought of the country song my JoDee Macena. "I'm am not afraid and I am thirsty anyway....so bring on the rain."

So get ur hands in the air and swing em like ya just don't care.

Holla!

Belly Hooping

I popped in a cd that I picked up at the library. It is entitle, "Beats Antique" Tribal Derivations. Very good belly dancing music. Since Joelle was recently belly dancing, I felt the urge to pull on my coin sequined belt and shimmy around a bit. I also miss my holu hoop, which David happened to notice this morning and state that "I guess you don't use this anymore. So with a belly dancing rythym and a shimmy belt and a hool hoop, I combined it all for a fun, reguvinating half hour of my own invented belly hooping. It was fun listening to the clanky-tinkling sound of my belt while keeping up with the challenge of hula hooping.

Candle in the Wind

Today was a riding day. We rode to Jim Thorpe. It's a beautiful mountain town full of history. It's surrounded by rolling mountains referred to "America's Swiss Alps". It has lots of cute shops to browse. This time of year toursit come out of the woods for a fall festival. At 9:00am I met up with a group of riders. I was interviewed by a local AOL reporter who wanted my comments for her article on our riding group. A rather cool opportunity. In fact, the whole day was rather cool.....meaning very freakin cold! The weather woman promised some sun today, but it was a completely unsunny day. Never needed sunglasses, just my clear goggles.
The ride to Jim Thorpe was cold race around curvy roads lined with a rainbow of autumn-colored trees. We zig-zagged on all kinds of beautiful roads. After all, riding is about the ride. Not about being in a hurry to get to a destination. However, today, I just wanted to get to the destination. The cold wind was making my finger tips freeze and go numb. I felt like I have been building a snowman without gloves. I remembered how I use to put you kid's freezing hands under my armpits to warm them up. I just want to stop and shove my digits under my pits. Riding when I am freezing is not safe. I'm not as agile for handling the bike. After so many miles of curves and long past the time I first felt the urge to pee... the zen of motorcycle riding was froze out. I was actually getting 'pissed' off, because the leader was not making a stop and we had been going far too long without a pee and warm-up break. I was no longer enjoying the ride and contemplating breaking off from the group. But,I didn't want to be the wussie woman on the manly-man road trip complaining. So instead, I decided to focus on what I could enjoy about the moment...though my fingertips were numb, I could still wiggle my toes. I wanted to be mindful to enjoy the experience. I wanted to stay light-hearted. So I thought of light. A candle came to mind. I decided to be a candle. The candle was warming me. I recalled once when Joelle was my passenger and I was riding scared in the rain, she told me to visualize purple because it is stress-reliever. So I thought of myself as a purple candle. Lavander is a calming, soothing scent. I am a purple, lavendar scented candle being warmed by my own fire right now and giving off a lovely fragent aroma. It got me through til we got to a pit stop. So I could warm my hands under my pits.
When we arrived in Jim Thorpe, the traffic was overwhelming...no places to park. However, we were blessed we a guy leading up who knew how to get around the area. We had to park way up on the mountain, but nonetheless, we got a place to park and free to boot.
As we started our decent by foot down into the village, I realized that I had my workout before me. So I said what I often say when I start my dedicated workout, "This ones for the girls!". I walked from noon to 5 pm. And though it was stopping to shop and browse, believe me I got a workout out in for us. David said it was worth two days worth of workout. David had the instinct to lead us back up the mountain to our bikes via a new uncharted route. He was sure that it was going to save us steps. Well, it became a walk-a-thon.... I mean a real Walk Fest! I had to stop a couple of times to let my heart rate and breathing get back into a manageable pace. I was greatful that we had broke off from the other riders a few hours early, as I would have been embarassed being the one who had to stop and try to suck air out of a new blow-hole in the top of my head. Again, climbing that mountain I had to think about how I am a candle today. Because I really wanted to nag David's ass for making me haul my ass up the long way up a mountain to our bikes. Yet, I reminded myself that I would rather be in love, then be right.
Then, I had a flashback to a time I was so wrong and paid the physical price of pain that I had induced on Shanna. My mind went back to the Sleepy Bear Sand Dunes of Michigan. Shanna and I had to have Frank boost our butts back to the car while Joelle ran back and forth in the sand like it was track and field. It was one of the most miserable days of my life. A family vacation the was pushed way beyond my limits. Though, it was my idea to do the journey. Shanna tried to cry her way out of it, but I just wanted her to suck it up and walk. Turns out, I couldn't suck it up.
So I tried to suck it up today, and I thought of Joelle and Shanna giving my butt boosts so I could make it to my bike.
Admittedly, it was a scenic walk. But in heavy biker boots and carrying my heavy leather jacket, the walk was burdensome. We had walked all day in the cold and I stayed well zipped up, but the mountain ascent had me stripping clothes and carrying them. The bike was such a sight for sore legs. I had to do some stretching before I got on the bike because my legs were already trying to charlie-horse and shin splint.
We had a nice ride back home. I reminded myself that I was a candle in the wind to warm and comfort me. We made a stop at a gas station for hot tea. One lady walked passed us and got a chill. She said, "I can feel the cold coming off you guys." We had gotten a few comments about "It's a cold day for riding." Yep, it was an unsunny day, yet I kept my candle burning.

Perseverence

Last week I went to a Dancing for Birth class. I don't think I blogged about it. But if I did, I apologize for the repeat.

The class is intended to help women to prepare for birth using different dancing techniques. A lot of the moves involved belly dancing. We wore jangles on our hips and made figure eights with our hands and hips. It was interesting and fun. Jude came along inside the Ergo. We've really been getting some good use out of the Ergo Baby Carrier. I was thinking that we made a good choice on it. I've seen several moms with older kids, 3, 4, 5 and they can still hike them around in the Ergo.

So today I spent workout doing yoga. 1 hr and 15 minutes restorative yoga with Chris. I was a little distracted. My mind was wondering quite a bit. I was more in the mood to sweat and really work it out, but today was more of a stretch and relax class. I still got some good stuff out of it though. I have to say that I have never walked away from my 30 minutes workout disappointed. I love feeling obligated to work out for 30 minutes everyday. There aren't excuses. It just happens. I'm getting more able to plan for it too. Tuesdays I do mom and baby yoga at the library. I've really been getting some good work on my arms. We just lower down in push up position down to the floor with the chest leading. Wow, my arms are feeling it. So I'm really happy we have this going on, even if I have been slacking at the blogging lately. But I'm still pleased with myself for doing the 30 minute devotional each day.

We are planning a trip to Central America over winter. I was wondering how the blogging will work there. We could bring a laptop...just wondering if we want too. I was looking at other blogs online. There is a couple driving all over Canada, US and Central and South America in one year. They set up their van to sleep in it and they blogging along the way. They just left this area-Idaho, Montana, and I think they are in California now. I think we might beat them to Central America. Maybe we should blog first! Well they were supposed to be the "great source for driving in the America's," the problem is that they are still in the process, so there really isn't much information ( at least that I could find) about driving through there. But it sounds like its something that is done and LOVED by those who do it. I'm getting pretty excited. I would like to set some goals for the trip to help me with the planning process. I've never been much of a planner. As far as trips go, I usually just like to get there and wing it. But I feel like I might like to have at least some loose plans this time. Try a little different approach to traveling.

Well I'm off to bed. I REALLY didn't want to blog tonight, but I'm getting back on the blogging bandwagon.

Fly Like An Eagle

Yesterday I walked in misty cool rain. It was refreshing. Though I have only been getting in a half hour workout, the consistency is in my favor.
I'm making my workout somewhat at three speeds, 10 minutes walking light and free with arms swinging, 10 minutes of power walking, 10 minutes of jogging. I switch around who get mindfulness first. Though admittedly, it seems my mind keeps coming back to me and my own issues. I try to discipline my mind to stay focused on the dedicated person for the 10 minutes.
Today I found it distinctly interesting that I did not see any birds for the first bit of my walk. I searched for them and when I couldn't see any, I took my ear plugs out to check if I could hear any. Nope. The first bird I noticed was the fake Eagle sitting uptop the flag pole in front of my facility. Then, as I was wrapping up the walk, one solo big black bird flew. I thought it interesting that he was flying high, but it was under a storm cloud. There were other patches of blue sky and fluffy white clouds, but this big black bird seemed to hover under the storm cloud. Then two little birds flitted by. That's all the birds for today's walk.
However, I gained some insight as I have been listening to Joel Osteen. Joel brought up how crows are harrassers of the Eagles. They fly around Eagles just to pester them. So what do the Eagles do? They just amped up their altitude and fly higher then a crow can comfortably fly. Morale of the story....fly free, but if you are being pestered by harassers or even harassing thoughts... then pick up your altitude to a higher place. Soar above your problem makers.
Steve MIller band had a popular song named Fly Like an Eagle :

Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future.........oohhh
Said I wanna fly like an eagle... to the sea
Fly like an eagle let my spirit carry me, I wanna...
fly...
Fly right into the future....
I wanna feed the babies... said, who can't get enough to eat
Wanna shoe the children... no shoes on their feet
I wanna house the people... livin' in the street
Oh yeah there's a solution
Let me fly like and eagle... to the sea
Fly like an eagle let that spirit carry me, I wanna
Fly right into the future
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future...
Time flies don't it baby?
Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'
Into the future... ...Ohhh.
Time flies don't it baby?
Keep on flying...
keep on flying, ohhh ...
Oh yeah, yeah
Think I better get up...
Don't it baby?
Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey...
I wanna fly like an eagle... to the sea
Fly like an eagle let my spirits carry me, I wanna
fly...
Fly right into the future
Lemme fly like an eagle ... to the sea
... Fly............ like an ea.....gle.... we'll
fly...
Fly like an eagle let that spirit carry me, I wanna...
fly....
Fly............... like an ea.....gle.... we'll fly...
Fly right into the future
Lemme fly like an eagle ... ... to the sea
In a sky full of people ... only some want to fly, isn't that...
crazy? ... Ohh hho ...oohh
fly....
Fly............ like an ea.....gle.... I'm gonna fly...
Fly............ like an ea.....gle.... I'm gonna fly...
Fly............ like an ea.....gle.... I'm gonna fly...

Put it in third gear

Today was another great day for a walk during my lunch break. I dedicated the first 10 minutes to Shanna. I've been listening to a book about walking while I walk. The author lead me through 10 minutes of a good peppy walk. My focus fixed on an object straight ahead in the distance, arms relaxed. After 10 minutes, I had to get back into the building for a bathroom break. I needed to do a heavy excretion. Once, my bowels were cleansed, I returned to my walk. This second 10 minutes was dedicated to Joelle and it was kicked up a notch. Elbows slightly bent and I walked at a pace set for 120 steps per minute. This pace is considered a good fat burning walk. The last 10 minutes dedicated to myself, was going all out for a cardio walk. The pace was 150 steps per minute and it was quite challenging to keep that pace for ten minutes. I found it easier to keep the pace by jogging rather than power walking it.
I worked up a good sweat.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Yoga

Yes Girls, I have been doing my 30 minute commitment everyday. Well,the last two days we're a bit questionable. I went out dancing Friday night with the dedicated purpose of my 30 minute commitment. But then, Saturday I was on my motorcycle all day so I didnt exercise...however, I had techically because I did dance on Saturday morning. I was out dancing from 9pm to 1:00am ...so that counts, right?
As for Sunday, I was riding all day, stopping to browse in Amish shops. I knew I wanted to get my 30 minutes of exercise in, so I found ways to work muscles on my bike. Squeezing my thighs against the tank, stretching my back, Keegles. I tried to think of ways I could do yoga flying down the road at 80 miles an hour on my motorcycle. My heart was into it, though my body didn't get the greatest workout.
Most days, I have been walking for my time, but tonight I jog up and down hills and steps and worked up a great sweat. It was a good workout and felt I had redeemed myself for the slack yesterday.

Now some reflections of mindful moments. Last Sunday morning, I was out walking early in the morning around a lake. It was a pleasant walk and as I dedicated the first 10 minutes to Shanna....there appeared the big black birds! I wondered whether they were ravens or crows. One big black bird sat way up top of a tall tree jabbering away. I asked David, what he thought the crow was saying. He said, "Hey, Hi Charlie!" I was a bit in awe, as I had never told David that story that we had a pet crow named Charlie when I was young. Charlie was wild, but adopted our family. He hung around us. One day he stole a cigarette out of my brothers mouth and flew up on the roof of the house with it. Charlie also liked to cling on to the roof rack on the station wagon and hang on when my mom would try to drive off. A silly mischeivious black bird. We loved him and our hearts were broke when he swooped in front of traffic and got hit.
Anyway, as my walk around the lake continued, I dedicated the next 10 minutes to Joelle and I journeyed out onto a dock...and along swam two swans! Swans are cool since they are always hang out as a couple.
This walk was for the birds. But Shanna, as I pondered why blackbirds keep appearing in your dedicated time,all I could think of is the Beatles song. It is beautiful and simple. 'You were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Fly into the light of the dark black night.' I take that to mean that you don't have to be afraid of the 'dark' unknown. There is light to guide you even into the unknown. You were only waiting for this moment to be arise. Shanna, your time is now! Fly gurl!

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Just Dance

Yay!!! I'm so excited I just played Just dance 3. I bought it earlier and I love it! It has to be the funnest way to exercise because you don't even realize you are. You're just playing a fun video game and trying to get a high score.
Last night I danced around my room. It felt so good to just move and do something good for my body after a day of junking out at a 6 year old birthday party.

65 Day Boot Camp

I have been an epic failure lately but I am recommitting to my 30 minutes and blogging. As soon as I'm done with this blog I'm going to do some Shiva Rae yoga.
Well other then Nia I haven't really done much. I would count cleaning and shopping etc. But I haven't been doing a "mindful" 30 minutes. Well I cant go back now so I'm moving forward.
Nia was SOOO much fun. I love it. Like Joelle said in her post how we had to deal with feelings of self-judgement, shyness, inadequacy. Very true but it felt so freeing once i began to not care.
So now to explain my title. Mom there is 65 exercise days from the day you bought my ticket to the day I leave. I really want to go hard core so that I will feel confident about being comfortable in the airplane seat. But also even tho I really don't want to focus on numbers (I don't even know my current weight). But i want some lose jeans, energy, and just that little glowy feel you get when you're taking care of yourself. My eating at work has greatly improved...for meals. I still struggle with grabbing a doughnut or a Rice Krispie treat on breaks.
So spell check just taught me that one is a doughnut and more is donuts. weird. lol.
Well anyway I am going to be more mindful of exercise, vitamins, water, and blogging for the next 65 days.
I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me!
And with the support of my sister and mother :)

Well well well

...it seems that I am not the only slacker. What's going on ladies?! I was just thinking to myself, "my gosh, I haven't blogged since's Shanna's b-day!" Well neither have you guys! I hope that you are doing the physical work.I am...mostly. I wasn't exactly sweatin', but I went for a very pleasant walk in the field behind our house today. I walked to the creek and sat beside it. I picked up 3 rocks and placed them in a pile in front of me. I picked up the first rock and put all my anger, and frustrations, and any other feelings that were heavy and unpleasant, and I visualized them going into the rock, and threw the stone into the running stream. Then I picked up the second stone and I loaded it up with all my fear and worry and resentments. Tossed that one in. Stone number three. Everything else that I had missed, any lingering negative baggage. Tossed it in. I walked away feeling light on my feet, grateful for my life, and enjoying the warmth of the sunshine as the clouds passed by.

Yesterday's movement was my very first Nia class. Shanna and I attended with a couple of European gals. The class is being offered free by a southern girl, Areah. She's a sweet mama of five, who loves to dance and is getting her master's in counseling. Jude came to the class too. He had fun watching everyone boogie through the big mirrors. It was in the old gymnasium on campus, in a beautiful brick building. It was an awesome way to spend 60 minutes. We danced and moved to the music and the rhythyms of our bodies. We confronted feelings of shyness,inadequecy and self judgement. We moved our bodies in ways that felt smooth and comfortable. We released tension and apprehension. I sure look forward to next Thursday!

So that brings us back to Wednesday. On Wednesday I went to yoga with Chris and offered many of the asanas up to the three ladies! We're doing great! Love ya!

Shanna's b-day. Not going to lie...I slacked a litte on the work-out part. I spent the day moving about but I didn't actually dedicate a full 30 minutes to us. However, as I swept the kitchen floor, I did it mindfully and dedicated it to mom, offering my prayers and best wishes her way. As I vacuumed, I prayed for my dear sister Shanna,etc. So although I haven't been consistently blogging and working out for 30 minutes each day, I am incorportaing something valuable into my daily life. I'm taking ordinary activities and turning then into an opportunity to pray, and heal, and send love. I hope to continue spending each moment as a prayer.

....Still Shanna's B-day Eve

After all the catching up over the weekend, I still have to blog about today, Merry Monday! I had planned to meet up with the hiking moms' group today but decided to go solo with Jude instead. We went to Drinking Horse mountain again. It was the same place as last week, but it's right down the road. I love hiking with Jude. He usually naps the whole time in his pack. I love being able to just concentrate on my breathing and the muscles in my body and lifting my leg one step at a time. There's something about being up above the city and all the busy interactions going on below-observing it, but not really being a part of it. Maybe that's the appeal to the raven. Being able to fly above, and watch all that goes on below, going almost unnoticed, but to also have the option of swooping down for a bite to eat, or to perch on a fence with a mate or two and watch the hippie van's drive by. They have the option to take part of what's going on below or to soar above it all, just listening to the peaceful sound of the wind. It reminds me of a Wayne Dyer reference, he says to be in the world, but not of the world. It seems like that is a theme that keeps popping up for me lately, learning to be compassionate and detached at the same time. Well I must get to sleep. I pray for sweet dreams, filled with messages of hope for we three Queens. Buenos noches amigas!

The Eve of Shanna's B-day

What do you do when it's the 10th of October and it's almost Shanna's birthday? Well I just took a step outside-it's lightly raining, the moon is almost full, but it's not very bright due to the thick layer of clouds in front of it. I'm contemplating what to write about, thinking back on what I did over the weekend.

I haven't blogged since Thursday, it's Monday. We hit the open road on Friday with intention of making it to a cluster of 3 hot springs in Idaho. It was raining on Friday and we suspected that the weekend would have similar weather so we decided to get out of town. We opted to take the Subaru instead of the hippie van since it had been freezing at night and it would be cold sleeping in the van. So we took off in the Subaru with intentions of finding a room in Idaho. However, after 3 hours on the road, the Subaru started smoking. I thought it was normal. We stopped in Dillon, MT to stretch our legs, eat a snack, change the baby. We were in a parking lot and I overheard a couple giggling as they passed about the smoke coming from our car. I remembered that morning hearing the mechanic saying that the car would smoke due to the stuff burning up after the flush they performed. So we ventured on. But not for too much further. We ended up in an RV park off the interstate waiting for AAA's tow guy to show up. Which he did, promptly and courteously. Thanks AAA. And towed us back to Bozeman, the closest Subaru shop. So Friday night we ended up back at home. But not without a soak! We went to a pool down the road and woke up bright and early and hit the open road...again.

Day 2-driving past Dillon in the van and it started making funny noises. I thought we were getting trapped there intentionally somehow. But after we let the van rest for a few, she was back up and ready to roll. So we ventured on and landed in Salmon, ID. Throughout the drive I saw 3 ravens. 3 ravens on a fence. 3 ravens soaring. I kept thinking of you Shanna but I wasn't quite sure the significance, however, the fact that I kept seeing 3 together, felt important. Interesting enough, on the ride home, I kept seeing 2 ravens.

We checked into a nice little motel in Salmon, right on the fast flowing, high tide river. So did all the local high school homecoming kids. It took me a minute to figure out how all the restaurants in this tiny little town were booming. We got a great night sleep and woke up early to hit the road again. Destination-Goldberg. Goldberg is a magnificent hot spring that is reached by hiking 3 miles back into a valley. And up there, high in the side of a mountain, is a waterfall flowing with hot natural spring water that pools and forms several layers of pools, perfect for soaking in. So we trekked our way up there and spent the day sitting in hot pools with a bunch of random naked people. Dan and I chose to wear our suits, Jude went au-naturale with the rest of them. It was a wonderful day. Rejuvenating, relaxing. It felt great to be outside with the mountains, and huge rocks, sunshine, water, my family. We came home late Sunday night, happy to crash into our bed after a long ride in the car.

Vans, Planes, Motorcycles

I'm sitting here all 'geared up'. I've got my Harley boots on, chaps, and ready to put on my leather jacket. It's a beautiful weekend here in Pennslyvania...absolutely warm and sunny. I'm packed to get away for the weekend. I just couldn't leave without checking in with my girls. I'm bringing walking shoes in my saddle bags to be certain that I walk wherever I put my kickstand down.

What do you do with Magpies? Shanna, why you sing to your heart's content and you make a MAJESTIC PIE!

Sing a song of sixpence, A pocket full of rye. Four and twenty blackbirds, Baked in a pie. When the pie was opened, The birds began to sing; Wasn't that a dandy dish, To set before the king?

Yesterday as I walked and dedicated the time to Shanna. I looked up in the clear blue sky with the warm sunshine on my face and questioned, 'just what was Shanna suppose to learn from the birds?' And just then, a shadow was cast over me. I looked up with a "what the heck was that?" A big black bird flew over me... perhaps a hawk. In flight its shadow was cast over me. Then immediately a pretty little yellow butterfly flutter around me and landed. I stopped to observe it and say Hello until it fluttered off. Then as soon as I took a step, there out in the sky right in front of me a small plane taking off....heading toward the sun.
I was pondering what was appearing before me in a minute's time on this mindful walk. What did these symbols mean? They all had to do with flying. Hummm...
my quick interpretation...

Cast a shadow.... If you are casting a shadow it means you are staying present in the sun.
Be light and free....flutter and fly. Butterflys do not appear to be struggling or really putting any effort into flitting around.
Use the law of lift. Get off the ground, soar, flutter, flit, fly.....just as long as your out in the spotlight of the sun.
Okay Ladies, word up....Stay in the sun. Forget the sun screen.
PS... I snapped this picture on my walk yesterday. Look at those rays!

Hippie van, Highway, Hot springs

Shanna- I love that the magpie is your relative! They're supposed to be a good omen.

What do you dooooooo when the Magpies are out....?

"Other birds collect twigs for their nests. Magpies collect jewels for theirs."
—Flavor Text for the Magic: The Gathering card Thieving Magpie

LOL. Joelle I just cant stop!
Sorry I've been failing miserably with the blogging and unfortunately also the exercise. Ive been doing something each day but certainly nothing remarkable. I was just telling Joelle the other day that I think subconsciously (now consciously) that I will just loose weight miraculously one day bc i want it bad enough. But I figure I don't REALLY want it bad enough bc if I did wouldn't i do whatever it takes??
Today my eating at work was MUCH better. I was quite proud. I wanted to take a picture of my lunch plate i was so proud of myself.
Then I did my first 10 minutes of "activity" for mom. I stood like i was taught in yoga. like i was "zipped up" the center of my body with all my muscles tight and dimples in the sides of my butt. I stood like that for 10 minutes straight and trust me I could feel ever muscle down my legs and into my butt. Then I did ten minutes for Joelle. I focused on yoga breathing, both ways. Breathing in stomach released breath out stomach sucked in. and the reverse. I still have to do the ten minutes for myself yet.
So my title was just a joke bc it was the first thing that popped in my head but then i figured i should Google it and see what came up. I went to the Wikipedia page and found out that Magpies are believe to be one of the most intelligent animals and one of the few animal species known to be able to recognize itself in a mirror test. So what does that mean to me? Maybe that even though I am intelligent and know that it is me I see in the mirror I DON'T "recognize" myself. I don't feel like I'm that girl.
I feel like there is something to this whole Magpie thing but I'm just not grasping it for myself. Do you insightful ladies have any thoughts??
Another Magpie Tidbit-
*Magpies are relatives to Ravens (which is my Native American totem)

Fresh Squeezed Marg

Today was kind of an eery day. There were heavy clouds lingering above all day, threatening to pour but never really letting go. I stayed in the house all day, cleaning, playing with Jude, listening to music. We had made plans to go see a show in Billings, but the plans fell through. So after getting ready and waiting around, in the end there was no where to go to. It just reminded me that you really do have to "enjoy the ride," or at least enjoy standing in line to get on the ride, because sometimes that's all there is. We can make all the plans we want but things can turn out completely different than we had imagined. Flexibility. Bending with the wind.The ebb and flow of life. That's all we can do, if we don't want to fight it. And believe me, I do not want to fight it. I enjoy riding with the current-it's faster!

So after I had totally given up on leaving the house, the baby fell asleep, and we snuck out for a drink and a bite to eat. Buffalo Gypsy wrap and a fresh sqeezed margarita. I question whether or not it was really freshly squeezed or freshly opened out of some sort of package, but it was good nonetheless. It's been quite a while since I've had a margarita. Plus it just seems like a miracle to actually be able to be away from the baby. Sometimes I feel like he is my life. He is a huge part of my life, but I forget that I do and will continue to have my own life seperate from his and vice versa.

It was a nice outing on the town. Quick and pleasant. I capped the night off with some yoga and stretching to complete my 30 minutes. I did some hip openers and ab work in honor of myself. In honor of Shanna, I went for a 15 minute walk earlier with Jude sleeping in my arms. I was going to do the full 30 but then the clouds decided they wanted to rain a bit. I didn't mind, it actually felt good, but little Jude kept getting his sleep interrupted by the random drops, so I decided to cut the walk short. But while I was walking I was devoting that prayer to Shanna. I pictured her in my mind, and I saw her shrinking within seconds. I thought of "melting pounds like butter." I pictured Shanna again to see if I could see something different, but it was the same image of her melting pounds like butter. She was happy and giddy, jumping around and full of energy. I got the message that losing weight will be as easy as melting butter. Once you learn to see yourself as that slender, happy, girl, so shall you become that. I don't think the message implies that you don't have to put forth effort, but it seems like it will be rather easy once you grasp that mental image of that slender girl and begin to see yourself and think of yourself as that skinny girl. This morning;s routing was intermittent my cleaning and was devoted to ma. I was doing squats and pushing my arms up powerfully simultaneously. I saw you mom,doing this same move, lifting all the weight from off of your shoulders and pushing it up powerfully as it exploded at the top and tumbled to the ground. I just saw you releasing all your burdens. Everything that you've been carrying around that no longer suits you was just be lifted and dropped to the ground. I was happy to receive such positive messages for the two of you. And for myself, I was reminded of a message I received in my dreams multiple times over the past few years. The dreams vary, but the scenario is basically the same: me protecting children amidst destruction and chaos. I was reminded that the role of protecting children is an important one. These little ones will grow up and someday rule this world, so we ought to teach them to take care of the earth and each other. So I'm starting to understand what this dream means to me, but I think there is still more to be revealed. Well I'm ready to go snuggle up and get some shut eye. Goodnight world.

Babies and Yoga

I woke up early as usual, to the crying/grunting baby alarm. Bright and early we headed out to take the Auntie to work. The sky was looking exceptional with the pink hues. It's always a beautiful morning watching the sun's first rays peek over the mountain tops.

It was a quiet and peaceful morning. Jude napped and I researched buying a coffee plantation in Costa Rica on the internet. Interuption. Telephone. A bill collector/court agent trying to track down our now deceased landlady whom unfortanetly passed away after being hit by an ambulance. Interuption. Telephone. Friend from my previous job at the Co-Op. Last minute emergency daycare needed. I met her at the store and she loaded up her baby next to Jude. She's 3 days older than Jude and has the cutest button nose and teeny eyes set between two grande-sized cheeks. I would be willing to bet on the fact that almost every adult she encounters at least thinks about squeezing her cheeks, if they don't in fact do it. So I drove away with the two cutest babies in Bozeman in the back seat. I was headed out to Angie's house when I passed tha bank. Time, 10:52. "Hmmmmm I still have time to make it to Mom N Baby Yoga at the library." So I took the next U-turn and went to the library. I pushed Jude in the stroller and carried Naomi. And it went fantastically. Jude slept and Naomi and I did at least 30 minutes worth of tree, cobra and downward dog in honor of the SJR Team! This woman in the library said to me, "You must be a brave, brave woman, or just half crazy." I told her that it was probably a mix of the two. Then afterwards I saw a man, whom after witnessing my grand performance of making it through a set of double doors with two car seats, a stroller, and 2 babies commented on how courageous I was. I responded with "or just half crazy!" He said "no, no, it's tough work what mom's do." And I thought "Amen!"

Solid Attitude

Loneliness is what gnaws at us when connections fail. But solo time is essential, can help us think clearly, breathe calmly, and even feel content.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201105/solitude-vs-loneliness

First of all, yes, I have been faithful to the dedicated half hour of working out in honor of Team SJR. Sometimes a walk is just a walk. No heavy revelations. Just exercise. I feel a half hour isn't nearly enough to accomplish my physical goals,which is all I have been doing, but I am on track with consistency. It is the the absolutemust each day. It's non-negotiable. Nothing to debate, ponder, or talk myself out of. It is a given, a constant. It just is and will be. I am committed to that half hour. No matter I am devoted to my girls for a half hour time slot. It's so little to ask when you are so precious to me.
Today, I walked outside in the cool fall breeze. I had no choice, but to do a mindful walk since I had no earbuds available. The leaves haven't changed yet and I was mindful of all the shades of green. I watched the wind make the leaves appear to be clapping their hands. My eye caught the mass of trees swaying at the tree tops. The wind made the trees look all manic, swaying and tossing to and fro. The trees looked at as if they were gossipping to each other and 'ruffling feathers' as they rustled around.
Then my eye took to one tree. It was the tallest of trees in the area, not particularly majestic, but it appear unmoved by the breeze. I wondered how that tree managed to stay out in the open, all alone, yet hardly moving when the other trees were being blown significantly. I noticed how large the trunk was. Thick and solid.
Thick and solid. The base of it was Thick. Solid. I realized there is something to solitude. Some strength it gives. This tree was not a busybody with the rest of the bunch. It wasn't going with the crowd. It just stood tall and strong and took in the sunlight, relaxed and calm. As if the wind of change was not going to rustle its leaves.
Being alone has always been equated with lonliness to me. But, I'm learning it doesn't have to be. Being alone is an opportunity for solitude. A time to build a strong 'solid attitude'.

Lion's do not lie...and neither do I

RROOOAAARR!!! I love the kitty/lion pic-Shanna Montana. I was thinking along those same lines this morning. I was reminded of something Wayne Dyer said on one of his tapes that you sent to me, Mom. "It's none of my business what other people think of me. It's their opinions." He says that after he gets done giving a speech , if there are 1000 people in attendance, then when everyone leaves, he has 1000 different reputations. He can't control that. All he can control is the way he conducts himself. So Ma, you take a mental image in your mind of a huge rubber stamp with the words CANCEL, or you could use REJECT, and CANCEL/REJECT the "friend" who sent you that nasty text, and don't believe for a second that you are any of those words.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can hurt forever....IF I believe them.

As for my physical bones. I moved them, and stretched and worked my muscles up Drinking Horse Mountain. The local Bozeman mama's started a hiking group and I decided to join them. Well sort of. I thought I missed them and hiked up myself, with Jude in his baby carrier. He slept the whole way up and then awoke for the ride down where I met up with the other 3 moms. They had stopped to take a break and hang out. I walked down with the leader of the group-she also happened to be a yoga teacher. We talked about dancing, and yoga, and martial arts. Wonderful networking experience! She told me about this dance group-FREE-two nights a week! I'm super excited! She also gave me some inspiration because I've been tossing around the whole teaching yoga thing, but have been going back and forth just because I feel like it's played out, there's already a billion yoga teachers, and do I really want to spend $3000 more on "education" when I've already spent $100,000? However, there aint a billion dance/yoga/martial arts-combo. teachers. Good advice Shanna about doing yoga and inviting others to join. Because I don't need to be certified to do that. And I don't necessarily have to be certified to do anything. I can learn how to do anything I want and I can teach myself if I want to!

I found a new cool meditation:

Inhale-"The Spirit of God is within me"
Exhale-"The Grace of God surrounds me"

Thanks so much Shanna for cleaning the house. It was an AWESOME surprise. It really made my day! What a great day it was! Ended the night with a swim. I thought Jude had swimming lessons but after we got to the hot springs we discovered that the pool was still closed for repairs. So we snuck into the hotel again.

Well ladies I think we are doing pretty damn good at our new challenge. Go Power of 3!!! Love you sister and mom! I'm so happy and grateful to be a part of this amazing experience of change and growth with two wonderful ladies! "WE ARE FAMILY!"

Title Goes Here

Mom. Thank you for your post, I loved it! I love everything you write. But I totally agreed with your point about how "compliments are welcomed, but not needed". It reminded me of a sermon I heard at church before. About how we should not allow others to form our opinion of ourselves. So that whether someone says something mean or nice we just move on with our lives without being affected. If someone complements you you thank that but you don't "obsess" over it.

Joelle. I don't care if you become a midwife but you still need to know the facts bc your delivering my kids. lol. I think being a prenatal yoga teacher is a great idea. But even more so you and Dan are going to inevitability be traveling and you enjoy doing yoga so why not invite other to join you and if they pay you great but if not I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself anyway.

So now for the physical stuff. Yesterday I went to Chris' for yoga with J again. I love it. Its so relaxing but at the same time you're really working your body. Today I cleaned the whole house for Joelle while she went hiking with Jude. It was a surprise. And I did a damn fine job if I must say so myself. It was 2 hours so I definitely did some calorie burn-age.

Brand new month!

Well it's a brand new month and Shanna and I celebrated the coming into October like you woudn't believe! As far as Saturday morning dance party goes....that was da bomb! Non stop latin beats to keep the body groovin! Shanna was almost late for work because we couldn't stop dancing. We danced til we worked up a sweat. Jude didnt' really know what to think. He'll be a dancer once he gets on those feet.

Today Shanna and I went to yoga with Chris. I love going to her classes. I was also thinking about teaching yoga myself. There aren't many prenatal yoga teaches around-I could find my own little niche. There does seem to be a lot of pregnant women in this town.

Purple Pigs vs Purple Polka Dots for Shanna

I was feeling really down because yesterday someone who I thought of as a good friend text me and said that I was "an old fat ugly cunt". She was offended by a comment I made on my facebook. I apologized for the misunderstanding, removed the comment and sked her how I could make it right. She chooses to stay offended. Though I felt bad, I realized that God was showing me her true colors, before I got anymore involved in a friendship with her.
Today I sat with Louise Hay and was practicing convicing myself that "I approve of myself." Though I was feeling like I had a black heart. I was starting to believe that I couldn't approve of myself because I am an old fat ungly cunt. But Louise got through to me today. I love how the Holy Spirit works.... out of all the books in my apartment, I pick up Louise's book. Out of 250 pages, I go right to the page that speaks to me. Louise says that part of self-acceptance is releasing other people's opinions.

pg 79 of You Can Heal You Life:

Hay says, "If I were with you and kept telling you, "You are a purple pig, your are a purple pig." It would be most unlikely that you would believe that to be true. Yet, many of the things we have chosen to believe about ourselves are just as far out and untrue. To believe that your self-worth is dependent on the shape of your body is a version of believing that "You are a purple pig." She adds, "I didn't even know who I was until I began to learn to love myself as I am in this moment."

Shanna, color your world with purple polka dots....while your at it make it a rainbow of polka dots. Polka dot yourself. Compliments from others are welcomed, but not needed. You are absolutely beautiful and an amazing woman just who you are today whether your wearing purple polkas, stripes or solids.
Oh, that brings me to a thought. I have a friend who I complimented on her beautiful jacket she was wearing. She said that her boss had just told her that she shouldn't really being wearing it. "Someone with your shape needs to stick to solids." I could not believe her boss said that to her. I thought it was stunning and I was so jealous of the jacket, I had to try it on. How you view yourself is all a matter of opinion. Take the good....wear lots and lots of purple polka dots. Throw out the bad...leave the purple pigs in the barn with the rest of the manure. But ulimately, the only opinion that matters is the the opinion you make when you look in the mirror. Make it beautiful every time. Because you are. No matter what you are wearing.

Un-euphoric Eutopia for Joelle

Clutter and choas. We all have it in our lives. No matter how much effort we put into organizing the details of our life. Each day is a new attempt to arrive at eutopia.


Eu·to·pi·a
   [yoo-toh-pee-uh]

noun Obsolete .
1.
a place in which human society, natural conditions, etc., are so ideally perfect that there is complete contentment.


I looked up eutopia to make sure I was spelling it correctly. Then my eye caught that it an obsolete word. That just confirms that word is obsolete because the concept is obsolete-- so unattainable that the word itself is useless.

ob·so·lete
   [ob-suh-leet, ob-suh-leet]

adjective
1.
no longer in general use; fallen into disuse: an obsolete expression.

2.
of a discarded or outmoded type; out of date: an obsolete battleship.

3.
(of a linguistic form) no longer in use, especially, out of use for at least the past century. Compare archaic.

I'm not throwing the word away. We can't control society and other human conditions, but we can find eutopia within ourself.

Joelle, every young mother feels the overwhelming feeling you are experiencing with the daily grind of chores, etc. Making a home and building a life are not master pieces that ever come to a point where it can be framed like a work of art and you then sit back and say "ahh...look what I created." Life is a work in progress; dirty diapers, dirty dishes, dirty clothes. It will keep coming at you because life is happening...it will never stand still. And as long as you have dirty diapers and dirty dishes and dirty clothes... you can be thankful no matter how weary you are at seeing no end to them. Because life is happening. Life is dirty. Messy, but beautiful. You have dirty dishes because you had something to eat, lots of dirty clothes because you are not lacking for threads...and lots of shitty diapers that followed a contented fed little baby working his way to growing up to be a man.
Find your eutopia in that. Be content knowing you are daily contributing to the process of life with the love and nurturing that you offer. At the end of the day you still have a work in progress, a song that still has several versus to be written and a painting that needs more color. But it's already priceless as it, unfinished business.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well it's Sunday and we aren't having bloody mary's but we are doing yoga! It's been quite a treat being able to go to yoga three sundays in a row. Shanna's came with me the past two. I love going to yoga with Chris. Her studio is in her home. Instead of having a living room, it's just a big open space to move around. That would be my dream. I've always wanted a dance/yoga studio. I was thinking that teaching yoga might be a good idea. I've been marinating the idea for a long time, but I came to the conclusion that there was already too many yoga teachers. However, there aren't very many prenatal yoga teachers. In fact, I think there's only one, and there are a lot of pregnant mamas in this town. Plus I was thinking that I could do it on the road traveling. I think a lot of fellow travelers would love to pop in for a yoga class. I could just make flyers, post them around hostels, hotels, and hold the class outside on the beach, or in a park. Maybe ask for donations. Who knows? I'm just tossing around ideas. I guess maybe that's why the bear is telling me to hold off on new projects and ideas. At least from making any real commitments, especially money wise since I've already worked up a substantial student loan debt. But in the meantime I can keep doing yoga, I can keep reading books on midwifery. Perhaps I'm not meant to be a midwife, but maybe a midwife assistant, or a yoga teacher or both :) Time will tell. But for now I am a mother, a daughter, a sister, a homemaker, a creator!

Saturday Morning Dance Party!!

So I woke up went out to the living room where Joelle already had the music going and she said "lets workout". I was like "i have to leave for work soon". She said "lets do at least 10 minutes" and thus began the Saturday morning dance party. We did MORE than 30 minutes. I literally could not stop dancing i was having so much fun. We were totally blessed with awesome Pandora music with NO commercials!! I can't wait for next Saturday morning!

Cleaving

Yesterday I used my lunch break for a half hour walk. It was a beautiful blue sky day. Perfect for a walk. I listened to a book about walking. I just discovered these cool like "Playaway" gadgets that you plug your head phone in and listen. It's small and fits in your hand to listen while exercing. I just out of the library just like a book. So Cool! When I walked after each 10 minutes I just pictured handing a baton off to the next person. Nice stroll with alitte job thrown in.

As for today I walked listening to Cleaving. I guess it a sequel to Julie and Julia. I thought that fit in the theme since our inspiration for blogging came from that. But todays walk I felt more like I needed you both to just walk along side me. I'm really feel beat down. Someone who I thought was a good friend.. a woman.. said some really horrible things to me. I sensed I needed to cut ties anyway. I wrapped up all I had to say about Doug. Can't say I feel any better for my efforts. Yet, I don't have total regret. I am going to write about this. Something will come of it in a good light some way.

My walk felt like downtrodden journey in my soul. But it gave me peace to know I have your support. Shanna will you post that clip about 'Let Go of those who bring you down...' on my Facebook Wall. I tried and don't know how.
This morning I felt lead to make a list of those who bring me down, and those who bring me up. So when I'm feeling down or beat up, I can think of all those who are good to me and focus my attention on appreciating them. You two are on the top of my list for bringing me up. I hope I do the same for you. I am grateful to you....and that our bond gives me strength. I have this to cleave to.

October!

Well it's a brand new month and Shanna and I celebrated the coming into October like you woudn't believe! As far as Saturday morning dance party goes....that was da bomb! Non stop latin beats to keep the body groovin! Shanna was almost late for work because we couldn't stop dancing. We danced til we worked up a sweat. Jude didn't really know what to think. He'll be a dancer once he gets on those feet.

RIP Equinox

Yesterday the beloved Equinox(the cat) passed away after a bad encounter with a pit bull. We only had him for 2 weeks but he was loved and will be missed. We aren't having much luck with animals on our homestead. 6 chickens and a kitty down.

I went for a run yesterday. I had to work off some steam. I haven't been running in a while because my hips aren't quite right. I went to the chiropractor a couple of days ago and though a little better, they still hurt a bit. But I was feeling flustered, so I laced up the shoes and hit the open road. I ran down the road to the creek and sat by the water for a while to relax my mind. I did some sit ups and worked my triceps using the bench. It was nice just to get myself out of the house. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed when everything is chaotic. There's piles of clothes, and dishes and trash and I feel like day in and day out all I do is clean, and clean, and clean, yet nothing ever actually looks or feels clean. How does that happen? I'm getting to the point where I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter if everything isn't in order, but so far it's not working. Perhaps I need to do some inner work. Louise Hay always says the outer is a reflection of the inner. So maybe instead of frantically trying to clean the house, I ought to see what I can do to clean up the inner chaos.

I looked up the significance of the bear and there a several different interpretations. One aspect of the bear that I mentioned before was the hibernation. And one possible meaning is to hibernate on new projects or ideas until a better time presents itself. I think this could apply to my life. Because although I feel like I have plenty on my plate-taking care of the baby and the house, I feel like taking on some classes or other work. I sometimes want more to do, something that feels more productive. Not that the work I do isn't productive but many times it doesn't feel productive. At the end of the day the baby's crying (because he's tired but doesn't want to fall asleep) and the house is messy. And so it goes the next day and the next day and on and on. So how to I wake up in the morning excited for a brand new day?! How do I end the day with a sense of accomplishment. I suppose it's the same with a job. At times it feels like the same day over and over and then when the weekend comes you can finally kick back and relax. Well for me there is no weekend, but there is no work week either. I do have a choice to be excited when I wake up for a brand new day. And I do have a choice to feel accomplished at the end of the day. Although many things are on repeat-feed the baby, change his diaper, brush my teeth, make coffee, get dressed, put the baby down for a nap, etc. each day is different, each day we are all growing and changing and though it may be small changes, we are evolving none the less. So rather than choosing to feel discontent and bored that each day is the same, I can declare that today is the best day of my life...and so it is. So today,this day,the best day of my life, I'm going to trust and believe that I deserve to live in a clean and organized home, just as I deserve to live inside of a body with a mind that is calm and at peace. So instead of chasing after it and demanding and yearning and wanting for it, I'm going to sit here and not allow anything to disturb my peace and know and believe that it will come to me when the time is right. In the mean time I will hibernate on my plans to take midwifery courses and concentrate on being happy and fulfilled in this very moment without searching for something else to make me feel whole. "Every experience is an opportunity to change and to grow." Louise Hay


Thanks Mom and Sister Bear for being my support. I love that we are joining forces to make our dreams a reality! I see us as happy, harmonious, and joyful, walking along the pathway of change and growth. Love y'all!