RIP Equinox

Yesterday the beloved Equinox(the cat) passed away after a bad encounter with a pit bull. We only had him for 2 weeks but he was loved and will be missed. We aren't having much luck with animals on our homestead. 6 chickens and a kitty down.

I went for a run yesterday. I had to work off some steam. I haven't been running in a while because my hips aren't quite right. I went to the chiropractor a couple of days ago and though a little better, they still hurt a bit. But I was feeling flustered, so I laced up the shoes and hit the open road. I ran down the road to the creek and sat by the water for a while to relax my mind. I did some sit ups and worked my triceps using the bench. It was nice just to get myself out of the house. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed when everything is chaotic. There's piles of clothes, and dishes and trash and I feel like day in and day out all I do is clean, and clean, and clean, yet nothing ever actually looks or feels clean. How does that happen? I'm getting to the point where I'm trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter if everything isn't in order, but so far it's not working. Perhaps I need to do some inner work. Louise Hay always says the outer is a reflection of the inner. So maybe instead of frantically trying to clean the house, I ought to see what I can do to clean up the inner chaos.

I looked up the significance of the bear and there a several different interpretations. One aspect of the bear that I mentioned before was the hibernation. And one possible meaning is to hibernate on new projects or ideas until a better time presents itself. I think this could apply to my life. Because although I feel like I have plenty on my plate-taking care of the baby and the house, I feel like taking on some classes or other work. I sometimes want more to do, something that feels more productive. Not that the work I do isn't productive but many times it doesn't feel productive. At the end of the day the baby's crying (because he's tired but doesn't want to fall asleep) and the house is messy. And so it goes the next day and the next day and on and on. So how to I wake up in the morning excited for a brand new day?! How do I end the day with a sense of accomplishment. I suppose it's the same with a job. At times it feels like the same day over and over and then when the weekend comes you can finally kick back and relax. Well for me there is no weekend, but there is no work week either. I do have a choice to be excited when I wake up for a brand new day. And I do have a choice to feel accomplished at the end of the day. Although many things are on repeat-feed the baby, change his diaper, brush my teeth, make coffee, get dressed, put the baby down for a nap, etc. each day is different, each day we are all growing and changing and though it may be small changes, we are evolving none the less. So rather than choosing to feel discontent and bored that each day is the same, I can declare that today is the best day of my life...and so it is. So today,this day,the best day of my life, I'm going to trust and believe that I deserve to live in a clean and organized home, just as I deserve to live inside of a body with a mind that is calm and at peace. So instead of chasing after it and demanding and yearning and wanting for it, I'm going to sit here and not allow anything to disturb my peace and know and believe that it will come to me when the time is right. In the mean time I will hibernate on my plans to take midwifery courses and concentrate on being happy and fulfilled in this very moment without searching for something else to make me feel whole. "Every experience is an opportunity to change and to grow." Louise Hay


Thanks Mom and Sister Bear for being my support. I love that we are joining forces to make our dreams a reality! I see us as happy, harmonious, and joyful, walking along the pathway of change and growth. Love y'all!