Play Dead

Yesterday my day was driven and too busy. It wasn't until late afternoon that I finally just stopped and took my walk outside. It was sunny and 77 degrees and those kind of days are rare this time of year. When I stepped outside, my eyes looked up into the clear blue sky to observe three jets flying over. All in the same direction, way high, flying in a v formation like geese. I had to smile to myself with the thought of the Power of Three all reaching their destination in due season. Leaving a trail of white behind them as evidence of the path that had come from. It was a lovely sight...and its rare to see two jets so closely flying in the same direction. I have never seen three. Sweet.

Yesterday, I made myself get up at 4:30 am and meditate. I think that was my salvation for getting through the day without Ativan- which I did come to work pack'in a bottle.
I started my day reading and meditating on Hanh's thoughts of "Aimlessness". His point is to stop running after goals and just find happiness in stopping. Stop chasing after things. Stopping is Peace. Stop My thoughts. Though he explains aimlessnes as not being driven. My spirit used it to teach me to be aimless with my mind and mouth. Aimlessness seemed like a strange word to be be introduced to,being I'm all about goal setting and thinking ahead. But throughout the day, my spirit checked me and said, "Roselle, put the gun down." My thoughts were thinking words that I would say in this scenario and that scenario and "Roselle, put the gun down" interrupted those thoughts. I realized it was my ego thinking how I would one-up someone given the next opportunity. The next time I see David, I'm gonna say this about that situation the other day. I'm gonna make this comment to my boss. "Roselle, put the gun down." I was AIMing my thoughts to attack given the next opportunity. I needed to stop looking at a target for my mouth/thoughts...and be aimless in this sense.
Hanh states, ' Your ideas have caused you to suffer. Be suspicious of your ideas." My hashing over situation in my mind is my ideas that I need to be suspicious of. My intention is only to allow myself the last word. To aim my mouth like a gun at a target so I can hit the bull's eye of my ego and feel better about MY FEELINGS.
This is on the heals of the day before getting a life lesson about being a compassionate listener....now I need to be a compassionate talker/thinker. Be aimless.
My spirit often counsels me with the Beatles song "Let it be." Just let things be.
Hanh's stated his own version of Shakespeare is "To be or not to be. That is NOT the question to ask." He means, just let it be. Just let. Stop aiming after ideas. Stop and look deeper at people and situations. Think in terms of Non-self. Meaning we are all inter beings, interconnected...we are all flying in the same direction to get to our destination of happiness. Let it be so. I won't aim the gun of my mouth and try to shoot one down from the sky. I will be aimless.
Another thought I had is when things offend me, I try to think of a little baby. You could look a baby in the face and call it names and he would just give a smile and coo and think you are funny. No offense taken. A baby has no concept of ego. He's feelings aren't hurt because something unkind was said about him. He just goes on exploring his surroundings and just Let IT Be.
Just recently I had new thoughts. Though I think it is strange, it was working for me to overcome ego. Now I think of a dead person. Same concept as the baby ego. No ego in a dead person. You can kick them around and they will not get angry or defend themselves. There is no response or fight back in them. Just letting it be.
In that sense, I want to be like a dead person. Not taking up offenses. It doesn't effect me. Better yet, be like a baby and just smile and giggle....and find something new to explore.
I have always been one who finds cemeteries uncomfortable. Yet, last July my mother took me to visit one just because it was beautiful. I agree it was. It had a sense of life about it. There were statues representing lives. Children playing. A man gardening. A happy family. A man raising a flag up a pole. Dead people....just being. There was a serenity about being is a place where no one was driven. Just stopped for a time rest and peace.
I'll attach some photos of this cemetery in Flint Michigan.